A journalist's step-by-step guide to writing death notices, obituaries, narratives, and life stories
Check in regularly, have great conversations, write it down--and the funniest obituary you will ever read.
As we were discussing extended family members who had died last year, there was considerable debate about the timeliness of a distant family’s intentions of memorializing their parents’ lives (it has been several months).
There may have been fighting over who should write it, rumor has it, what memories should be included, approval rights for the finished piece, whether there would be a funeral/celebration of life/gathering and stories celebrating their lives, how to announce that decision.… Good grief!
The truth is, everyone gets to tell their own stories in their own way about the person. But if you don’t have names, dates, places, and notes about the stories they tell and the things they did during their life, you may not have the material to fashion into something—a story, conversation, tribute, speech, book, video.
Some will write poems and stories and books, some will tell oral stories and jokes and memories, some will share the person’s favorite recipes-photos-paintings-sculptures – and that’s just my family. That’s why we gather – to create the narrative about that person’s life (and often learn things we never knew about the person).
To make that happen today, it helps to know the three things you will need:
The death notice should be published within the week, as broadly as possible. The notice would be published in the newspaper with a short notice of plans, or the words “A private service will be/was held.” There is nothing editors like more than a continuing story, and they need copy on a daily basis to for subscriber and news stand sales as well as the ads that surround copy on digital media.
The obituary is a quick summary of the person’s life, an announcement of the When and Where of a service, celebration of life, or gathering such as graveside burial. This is generally longer than the death notice and with more details. The style of the obituary should fit the person you are remembering. You know you’re on the right track when people say, “Yeah, that was her for sure!”
The biography or news story recounts more about the person’s life and usually has a solid story line, background, anecdotes, and surprising details (generally if they are newsworthy, a public figure, or a prominent community member). You may also buy space to share a longer narrative in the obituary section. One technique I have used successfully with family members is to ask them, in person or collectively, for their memories on a given topic. Our family is blessed with writers and artists, and as I share drafts with them they have definite opinions about facts, style, and so forth. If they have different points of view or memories that can’t be easily resolved – include them all.
My family is full of journalists: my cousin Bobby, my Aunt Ellen, my grandpa Melton. Like a feature or human interest story, we all learned how to interview, share our own stories to get a story shared back (that’s a thing), ask for those concrete details that are needed—the Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How. Let’s look at a few examples from my family’s trees:
The death notice. This is my paternal grandmother’s death notice published in the San Diego Union on Dec. 4, 1988 – short, sweet, and to the point:
Eula M. Melton, husband, children and grandchildren (Who)
died (What)
Dec.1, 1988 (When)
in the San Diego area [implied from newspaper that published it], Services Monday at noon at Greenwood Salli Lynn Chapel and entombment at El Camino Mausoleum (Where)
The obituary. This is my mother’s death notice written by an immediate family member. Mom made it quite clear to us that one should be published, but without the things that were usually mentioned in The Oakland Tribune (like the whole Mayflower descendant thing and early settlers and entrepreneurs of Oakland and San Francisco). Note that you can figure out When she was born by her age:
The biography. This can be based on newspaper clippings, family stories, photographs (the future is digital so start scanning), and artifacts like trophies and medals, but it also needs a broad enough story to tell. Let’s look at some examples.
First up is my aunt Ellen Melton who, like my grandfather, was a journalist. (This does have something to do with why I wanted to be a journalist, as you will see.) He was an editor and publisher on the Texas Panhandle before he had to move because of the Dust Bowl, and she graduated top of her class from University of Missouri School of Journalism in Columbia, Mo., and headed to NYC to work for Forbes Magazine.
The connection here is that the hometown weekly followed her for years:
It’s pretty easy to build a story over time when you can find these types of details, but there is another way to do it. Ask family and friends to share. Here is a “living legacy note” from my cousin that revealed a fun fact we had never heard about:
Ellen graduated top of her class and spent most of her life in New York City at Forbes magazine.
Another time I asked family members for their memories about our aunt, and when they didn’t respond, I posted this to my facebook page to gauge their reaction:
Mission accomplished.
Next, let’s take the biography one step further by taking a family portrait and overlaying it with facts about who each of them will become. This:
becomes this — another unusual way to tell a story with a photograph. That’s Ellen with the shorter, wittier take on her life from my hours of research — as well as her brothers’ lives. That’s my dad on the right, the catcher on the UC Berkeley baseball team:
You don’t have to pick and choose which of these elements to share with others, including future generations, because you can share and post them on the always-free familysearch.org. Details about living persons do not show up on the family tree by design. But if you happen to have all the elements, you can post images or a PDF of your document for others to enjoy, or post it online, like this piece on my dad, Ellen’s brother.
It used to be so easy. The mortuary would call the local weekly newspaper editor (that would have been me in Cloverdale, California, during summers at the ages of 18-21) to place a death notice (which also was the editor’s cue to chat with the family and collect names, dates, and stories about the person’s life.) The basics are the journalist’s Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How.
Editors love names because they sell more newspapers, get more eyes on the story, and show how people are connected to the community. (We need to support local weekly publications, the only sector that is thriving.) Journalists having experience asking questions to get the raw information they need to write your story.
The notice would be published in the newspaper with a short notice of plans, or the words “A private service will be/was held.” There is nothing editors like more than a continuing story, and they need copy on a daily or weekly basis for subscriber and news stand sales, as well as the ads that surround copy.
Please share with anyone who needs this information. Everyone can do it! But why wait until someone is gone? Write a life-up-to-this-point biography and share it with a family member or your friend!
Favorite non-family obituary of all time?
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