When you know someone is good at something – tell them
It’s a winning strategy for both of you.
It’s been a busy weekend so far for the whole family, with constant interruptions and changes of plans – just like real life is supposed to be — and I have to admit that I’m plenty busy this week chatting with my partner and our children in a little less frenzied way than usual.
“You always land on your feet, literally and figuratively,” I told my eldest today, who loves to move and works in construction. We laughed.
You’d be surprise, though, how many people don’t know what they’re good at — and you should tell them!
A community college president in Seattle once told us teachers at a polytechnic school that the one thing we should do as teachers is point out what a student is good at doing since, in her experience and research, community college students often don’t know this.
It wasn’t news to me, but it became a more deliberate practice in my life after that moment, and is a powerful tool in my relationships with people.
Because it was a tech school and I taught English and Journalism (an eventually Print/Broadcast Communication majors) I knew I wasn’t always seeing what they could do best, so I used to spend time during my prep period visiting the tech classes to see for myself.
(This experience convinced me that hands-on learning — even in English — is the best way to go.)
I remember telling a high school journalism student that he had a visual gift for design when he was a sophomore.
“Nah, I’m going to be a computer programmer,” he would tell me for the next three years, as he rose to the level of editor for the school newspaper.
“I’m just sayin’ -- not changing my opinion on that!” I would always respond.
Near the end of his senior year, he came up to me and said, “You know what? You’re right. I’m good at design, and programming. Apple Computer is hiring me to design the Cocoa interface for the new Apple iPhone.”
I wasn’t surprise. “Told you so!” We laughed.
I recommend this practice with your family and friends, too — encourage them by pointing out the things you’ve know the do well. Some of the time they are self-aware, and sometimes they are not. We have all blinders that prevent us from seeing the possibilities.
My partner worked as a kitchen and bath designer for IKEA and Home Depot, which was a lot of fun, and still has clients who call her for color consultations. She uses this strategy in a different way — a few questions, a short conversation, and she knows your favorite colors, patterns, and styles.
It’s based on the same principle — Tell people what you know they do well when you see it. It’s a winning strategy for both of you.
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