After discovering I could finally made a PDF of a Substack post, I checked to see what else was new on Substack today and found this: Publication design settings, recipe embeds, and live video scheduling on Android and desktop! I read the article, and as soon as I went back to this page, Recipe had been added to my “More” menu:

Let’s take a look at the new finished fill-in-the-form recipe card:

This is the coolest thing since sliced bread! Or Substack. And you can even make a PDF copy of it to print or save on your digital device.

I like to tell the stories with the recipes which is a print project I am working on, but this will make it so much easier as well as in a standard user-friendly format when I want to share a recipe.

I’m sure that this current Substack format would even work for former columnist and genealogist Lynda Heines, whose elaborate Black Walnut Ice Box Recipe Cookies revisits her mother’s handwritten recipes, one dish—and one memory—at a time.

Everyone has memories associated with food and family, and today is a good day to get started on this fun and easy family history project—and pass along the recipes, too!

A couple of problems I’ve discovered. The photo embedded in the recipe card cannot be displayed as a cover image on your Substack page. It shows the pancake instead. You did know you can change the photo that is displayed on your feed, right? It’s also a way to preview the photo to make sure it doesn’t crop off someone’s head. That has happened more than once, and there is no way to change Substack’s crop that wouldn’t destroy the image you’ve embedded in the copy. From my knowledge of working with HTML, I’m pretty sure that might be the sticking point. Second, the recipe format does not copy and paste into a new article. It looks like you will have to type it again.

Here’s where the original post continued:

Just finished the last batch of this year’s Nuts & Bolts for parties over the next week or two, one of my father-in-law’s recipes, and I always seem to think about him while I’m waiting for the Nuts & Bolt to cook slowly in the oven.

The first time I met him I was a student at University of Oregon, and I traveled from Eugene up to Portland to attend a concert with his daughter. As she and I were heading out the door after dinner, he gave me that mischievous look of his and said: “Be good, but if you can’t be good, be careful!”

Eleven years and three kids later, he told me: “Marriage is a mental institution for people who are crazy … about each other!”

Dick was full of these little one-liners, always dispatched with a liberal dose of wit and humor. They were his recipes to success, and his success with writing recipes. He loved to have fun with them.

He knew how to do class on a budget: He wrote on his directions for Nuts & Bolts (a family version of a popular party mix): “Note: Substitution are allowed – use peanuts if you’re broke. Chinese Chow Mein noodles are OK, too, if you’ve got some left over. A whisper of Tabasco or taco sauce adds heat.”

Sunday breakfasts were a family ritual – and when it was time to cook pancakes or waffles, Dick was the the short-order cook.

His personality comes through the recipe cards he wrote. The directions to his recipe for Pop’s Pancakes, as he called them, went like this: “Sift flour into measuring cup – presift, that is – then sift dry ingredients together. Now remember to melt butter. Put eggs into mixing bowl. Fish out bits of shell. Beat the bejazzers out of ‘em and add some milk, then flour and alternate until all done. Add shortening. Let stand until griddle ready. You may have to add a bit more milk.” We all flipped over his pancakes.

Most of the WWII veterans I have known were grateful to be alive, had a zest for life, and lived like there was no tomorrow. Dick was no exception. He knew how to party and loved to dance to anything, but especially Big Band numbers, preferably live at the annual Lewis & Clark Christmas party event for alumni. When he and Nancy were dancing, the floor would clear and people would watch and clap. It was something to behold.

He also loved reading novels, was a knowledgeable source of movie trivia as well as history, and spoke English, French, Portuguese, and Spanish fluently, as well as several other languages. He was especially masterful at playing with language. He once sent me a birthday card with a camel on the front, and inscribed on the inside was this: “98 percent of all doctors who tried Camels prefer women. Happy Birthday!”

Fictionary was one of his favorite games—you know, the one where you find a word in the dictionary no one knows, and then you all write pretend definitions for it? The winner is the person who tells the most convincing lie—that was almost always Dick. When it was his turn to pick a word, he usually didn’t even have to look in the dictionary. (Some fun variations can be found here.)

Dick lived life well, with grace, humor and dignity. He was the kind of man who knew that one of the principal purposes of life is to enjoy it, and he shared that joy with all of us — even through his recipes!

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She now runs a consulting business for nonprofits. Her experience intersects with topics that are coming up daily that affect nonprofits, and her Substack gets down to brass tacks on how to navigate the wide range of issues nonprofits now face.

For example, she recently wrote about current problems Social Security does not address, examines it in great detail, and offers insights to potential solutions. As a former teacher leader, I spent many years studying and advocating on issues and still enjoy working through a complex issue.

Sometimes, however, it is hard to go back and find the exact Substack you were reading, and it would be nice to have a copy. I have tried the “Save” and “Print” menu without success, but now I can do this, Open as a PDF:

Problem solved! I have an exact copy, with words, photos, and graphics, to use offline on my laptop or computer.

Cyn Harris wrote about the correct way to label photographs, and there were multiple ways to do it depending upon the type of photograph. Cynn is a retired archivist, which is why I am paying close attention how to label the names and tell the stories by writing the essential information on the photograph with the correct tool.

I pull out my notebook and grab a sharpened pencil and copy what I will need to use on each of my own family collection of photos. I have it all—daguerreotypes, tintypes, slides, black-and-white prints and negatives, color prints and negatives, and digital. I even have digital of some of the older types of photographs, each of which have their own challenges in copying the image.

Up until I discovered this new feature today, I couldn’t print a Substack so I could refer to it as I’m working on different kinds of photographs.

For that matter, I have written how-to Substacks on making ’zines, steps for writing memoir, how to research stories and photographs, and more. Up until I discovered this today, there was no way for someone else to copy my Substack word for word for reference. Now it’s possible!

I noticed something new in the upper right-hand Ellipsis (aka “meatball” menu) in Substack. Let’s take a look at a section of Cyn’s post:

Where it now says “Open as PDF” it renders an almost exact copy of the Substack-formatted post to create a PDF to save digitally or print:

I also love Brendan Leonard’s Semi-Rad weekly take on what’s going on in his world, which is full of all sorts of fun links and stories and product promos. Now I can Save As PDF and click those links when I have a few spare minutes throughout the week. Of course I’ll still be able to view his Substack videos with other writers which is also informative and entertaining. His memoir Sixty Meters to Anywhere, which I checked out from our local library, is a “painfully honest story of a life changed by climbing, and the sometimes nervous, sometimes nerve-wracking, and often awkward first years of recovery.” In other words, a great read.

Many new possibilities with this one feature.

Last December I posted a couple of guides, 'Zines are back, baby! Here's how we did our end-of-year holiday newsletter... and how to make ’zines with the grandkids. For my readers, the ability to save an exact PDF copy to print or view on your device would have been helpful in working through the steps of the process.

For that matter, I also write process pieces on how to write memoir and nonfiction narrative like How to write nonfiction narratives about ancestors with drama, flair, grammar – even movies and memoir! You would definitely want to Save As PDF on that, too, and now you can!

So there you have it, the latest upgrade should improve your productivity in saving and storing documents from your Substack feed.

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Dear Mayor Wilson,

No one should blame the new city council for decisions made by the members of the old city government. My hope is that the council and the city can be quick and nimble in response to the financial situations we face. Put simply, we have quarantined tax money into funds in a way that prevents us from rebalancing the city budget quickly and nimbly. (I do understand how it works and what I am saying.)

City of Portland Representatives

The city council must reclaim control of all of the tax money that is collected, and decide annually the best plan to keep the city whole. When things quickly change, the council must be able to pivot to solve the problems within its means.

When the old city council asked voters to approve additional money outside the tax base, they did as they were asked. I believe when the council asks voters to undo these initiatives where hundreds of millions of dollars sit idle so the council can better use its resources, they will also do as they are asked.

I realize there are hard decisions that must be made, and when I heard a city Transportation person talking on the radio about how the city would be destroyed without yet another dedicated tax measure that city dwellers would pay to fix our own potholes, I decided to write you. After reviewing the latest proposal, I am happy to see the dedicated tax is out and is now a $12 fee added to our water bills.

There must be better ways to generate revenue, and they must not lock us into silos as the previous council did. We voted for this long overdue new city government format because we the people believe in our local elected representatives to solve the big and small problems together. If out-with-the-old, in-with-the-new takes a little longer, so be it, but we need to make progress quickly and nimbly. We need to fix our own problems, even if we didn’t create them. That should include state initiatives that created this mess also.

I’m sure you’ve discussed the options such as borrowing money against the value of those unused funds, if not already prevented by language in local or state laws, could be an option. Or perhaps you have already been discussing this with other council members. My point is, we need to close out these old accounts where money just sits or is squandered because there is no effective oversight of nonprofits (Arts Tax, PreSchool for All) and figure out a new way to move forward.

I don’t say this lightly. I am a retired PPS teacher who has lived in the city for more than 40 years, and whose children all live in the city or nearby. Two of our grandchildren benefited from PreSchool, but had to wait because although the money was there, the space wasn’t. They attended a private preschool instead.

I am encouraging you to be fearless, undo the mistakes of the past or that no longer serve us in the face of new challenges, and realize we the people will support you in these new endeavors. There is more than one way to solve a problem, and we citizens of the city are counting on you to quickly and nimbly lead the way, organize study groups, determine the best way to move forward, and let us all participate in the process.

Sincerely,

Rob Melton

Information:

Portland Moves To Shake Up Transportation Funding With New Utility Fee

Portland Leaders Mull Two New Fees to Fund Street Maintenance

Contact your City of Portland representatives

Your leaders sit up and take notice when letters start arriving in their office. How can you provide advice or your opinion? Here’s how to do it.

Share your opinion and change another person’s point of view, too

Express yourself and influence others to make the world a better place for all. That’s the goal of all good opinion writing.

Expressing your opinion and changing others’ opinions are two different things. When you write opinion you are more effective if, in the process of sharing your own opinion, you have the potential to change another person’s points of view.

A good opinion piece, whatever the form, is based on facts—this is the backbone of a great argumentative essay, editorial, column, letter, or speech—not the mistaken notion of “That’s my opinion and that’s a fact” that passes for opinion writing these days. An opinion piece should be a thoughtful, reasoned perspective that connects to the bigger picture.

REMEMBER THE THREE REASONS YOU ARE WRITING:

1. You want your readers or public officials to see the problem or issue from your point of view;

2. You want your readers or public officials to understand why you believe as you do;

3. You want your readers or public officials to know what they can do, say, or think that will help resolve the problem or issue or concern that you have.

To do this well, you must tell a story.

A GREAT WAY TO STRUCTURE YOUR OPINION LETTER/STORY:

•First, state the problem. Persuade your readers or public officials why we can no longer ignore the problem or issue or concern you have.

•Second, present your evidence. Present your three best arguments with evidence in story form. Share with your readers or public officials what you believe is going to happen or continue to happen if the problem is not addressed now.

•Third, share your idea or solution. Propose the action your readers or public official can take to solve the problem or take the first step.

•Fourth, remember leadership is Action, not position. Provide your readers or public officials something they can do to get the ball rolling or change direction. Ask or advise them to take concrete action in one of the following ways:

• A problem which is not being addressed

• A request for information, an appointment, or assistance

• How to vote on a proposal and your reasons

• Provide your preferred path to a solution

• Write a letter, email, or make a phone call

• Attend a public hearing, debate, or event

• Change a behavior, proposal, existing law

• Attend a rally, vote, or a meeting

Share your vision through a short anecdote. In other words, give the reader or public official something concrete they can do/say/think that will address the problem.

TIPS:

•Arguing a point or perspective should be short, sweet and to the point. That means it has a HEAD that organizes the ideas, a BODY that gets to the heart of the matter, and FEET that move your readers to action. (This is a rhetorical strategy that improves your presentation, argumentatively speaking.)

•Show, don’t tell. A picture is worth a thousand words, so paint a quick picture with words. The most effective way is to share a story about a real person who has been affected by The Problem. Humans are hard-wired to narrative story forms about people, and they’ll remember the story long after they’ve forgotten your sage advice. The more personal, the better.

•Show us the evidence. You’ve developed your opinion because you have made observations over time. Let us see it for ourselves. This will take courage. Speak the Truth, or Truth to Power for the reasons stated above.

•Offer constructive criticism. Show us what would work better, or what would solve the problem without creating too many new problems.

•Use humor. It’s disarming. Noticed lately that the most influential people these days are humorists? Check out the work of columnist and editorial cartoonist Jack Ohman, for example.

•Let other sources provide the defense to the argument. Giving up something—change, if you will—is a process fraught with emotion, and people need to vent right before they embrace the change they see is necessary and inevitable. Give them that chance, but not at your expense. Let them mourn or vent. If they already agree with you, give them additional insights and stories and the next action steps they can take.

Choose a subject and write a letter to your readers or public officials today. Tell them what’s on your mind and how they can help. I wrote my letter yesterday, and the mayor’s Chief of Staff wrote back today:

This is exactly the response you want: I see you/I hear you. I know the mayor’s office receives a large number of email and mail every day. You may not always hear back from your elected leaders or staff, but they do keep an informal tally of the letters (emails, too) that arrive daily in their office, all of which is reported to their boss—your government representative.

Write that first letter today, or maybe tomorrow. The future depends upon it.

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If you have a lot of photos, you will remember my strategy of arranging the pictures into a narrative order, and then freeze-frame each shot and explain what the next chapter (or end) of their lives will be.

Now imagine you also have your baby book, or a box or bag of the early days of your life. In it could be your birth information, christening date, baptism date, where you lived, your ancestors and living cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, and grandparents. Even if you are adopted, or it’s your chosen family, it’s all about you—the story of your life. No apologies.

In order to complete this storytelling that begins with other people's observations of you as a baby and child, what questions and activities will help unearth the storylines your parents and family created in your book that can help you write your memoir?

Here’s the great thing about having a baby book or a box of early‑life artifacts: It’s not just memorabilia, it’s a story someone else started writing about you before you could speak for yourself. When you’re crafting a memoir, those early narratives become raw material—clues, myths, projections, hopes, and sometimes contradictions—that shaped how you came to understand who you were supposed to be.

To help you excavate those storylines, you want questions and activities that don’t just catalog facts but reveal meaning, emotion, and identity. Below is a structured, creative way to unearth the narrative threads your family wove around you.

Let’s get started

Decode the story your parents or caregivers believed they were telling about you.

Questions

• What adjectives appear repeatedly in your baby book or early cards (“sweet,” “stubborn,” “curious,” “quiet,” “fearless”)?

• What milestones were emphasized—first steps, first words, first friends, first fears?

• What stories did your parents tell over and over about your infancy or toddler years?

• What did they seem proud of, worried about, or surprised by?

• Are there gaps—missing months, missing events, missing people—and what might those silences suggest?

• What is the tone of the entries: sentimental, practical, anxious, humorous, dutiful?

• What expectations or dreams did they express for your future?

Activities

• Annotate the baby book: Write in the margins—your reactions, disagreements, memories, questions.

• Create a “myth map”: List the traits your family assigned to you and note where they helped or hindered you later.

• Timeline the stories: Place each anecdote on a timeline (rope/thread) and see what patterns emerge.

Your early environment is part of your origin story.

Questions

• Who was present at your birth or early years, and what roles did they play?

• What was happening in your parents’ lives at the time—financially, emotionally, relationally?

• What family conflicts, alliances, or traditions shaped your early world?

• How did your arrival change the family dynamic?

• If you were adopted or part of a chosen family, what story did they tell about why you were chosen?

Activities

• Draw a family diagram: Not just a tree—include emotional connections, tensions, and influences with dotted lines an an explanation to remind you.

• Interview relatives: Ask each person to tell you one memory of you as a baby or child. Compare versions.

• Create a house map: Sketch the home or homes you remember/lived in and mark where important moments happened.

Photos freeze a moment, but there is more to the story.

Questions

• What’s happening just outside the frame of each photo?

• Who took the picture, and why that moment?

• What does your body language reveal—joy, discomfort, curiosity, shyness?

• What do you not see in the photos that you know was part of your life?

• How did your family present you to the world versus how you felt inside?

Activities

• Write a caption for each photo—not what’s pictured, but what the moment meant.

• Sequence photos into a “mini‑memoir”: 10–15 images that show a timeline and/or transformation.

• Freeze-frame storytelling: For each photo, write what the next “chapter” of your life became. Conversely, start at the end and tell the story backward, writing the previous chapter of your life or what came before.

When memory becomes meaning, the past and future knowledge becomes memoir.

Questions

• What emotions dominated your early environment—joy, chaos, fear, warmth, unpredictability?

• What did you learn early about love, safety, attention, or independence?

• What were you praised for? What were you discouraged from doing?

• What family rules were spoken, and which were unspoken?

• What did you learn to hide, and what did you learn to perform?

Activities

• Write a sensory memory: What did your childhood home smell like, sound like, feel like?

• Create a “firsts” list: First fear, first triumph, first secret, first loss.

• Write a letter to your younger self describing what you now understand about that world.

The story lies between who you were told you were, and who you became.

Questions

• Which early labels stuck with you, and which did you rebel against?

• What expectations did you fulfill, and which did you disappoint?

• What parts of your identity were shaped by your family’s narrative, and what parts emerged later?

• What stories about you were wrong—or incomplete?

• What early experiences foreshadowed major themes in your adult life?

Activities

• Write two lists: “The story they told about me” and “The story I tell about myself now.”

• Trace a theme: Choose one early trait (e.g., “shy,” “bossy,” “sensitive”) and follow its evolution through your life.

• Draft a chapter: Use one early story as the opening scene of a memoir chapter and explore its ripple effects.

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Now that you’ve uncovered the elements that shaped you, you can shape them into a narrative. To do that, you must construct it using the five elements of narrative:

People, Plot, Place, Point, and Perspective

This is a structured set of questions + activities you can use directly with your baby book, photos, and early‑life artifacts to uncover the storylines your family began writing for you. Think of this as a guided excavation kit for your memoir.

Below are themed sections, each with questions to ask yourself and activities to help you transform raw elements into memoir‑ready story.

People

Your baby book is essentially your first biography — written by others. Your goal is to discover your authentic voice.

Questions

• What qualities do they highlight most often (gentle, spirited, demanding, observant)?

• What did they seem to celebrate about you?

• What did they worry about?

• What stories did they repeat at family gatherings?

• What do they not mention that you wish they had?

Activities

• Margin reactions: Write your adult commentary next to each entry.

• Trait tracker: List every adjective used to describe you and note how each one shows up later in your life.

• Rewrite the entry: Choose one baby‑book entry and rewrite it from your adult perspective.

Place

Your early environment is part of your origin myth.

Questions

• What was happening in your parents’ lives when you were born?

• What were the family dynamics — alliances, tensions, traditions?

• Who were the key figures in your early life, and what roles did they play?

• If you were adopted or part of a chosen family, what story did they tell about why you were chosen?

Activities

• Emotional family tree: Map not just relationships but emotional currents — warmth, distance, conflict, loyalty.

• Interview circle: Ask relatives for one early memory of you. Compare how their stories align or contradict.

• Context collage: Gather artifacts (photos, letters, objects) that represent the world you entered.

Perspective

Photos freeze a moment, but memoir lives in the before and after.

Questions

• What’s happening outside the frame?

• Who took the photo, and why that moment?

• What does your expression reveal — or conceal?

• What patterns do you see across photos (always smiling, always held, always alone, always outdoors)?

Activities

• Caption the truth: Write what was really happening in each photo.

• Sequence a story: Arrange 10–15 photos in a narrative arc — beginning, middle, turning point.

• Future‑casting: For each photo, write what the “next chapter” of your life became.

Point

This is where you take the elements that move through the story and weave them into an overall theme, or story.

Questions

• What emotions dominated your early home — joy, chaos, tenderness, unpredictability?

• What did you learn early about love, safety, attention, or independence?

• What were the spoken and unspoken rules?

• What were you praised for? What were you discouraged from?

Activities

• Sensory memory dive: Write about the smells, sounds, textures of your childhood home.

• Firsts list: First fear, first triumph, first secret, first loss.

• Letter to little you: Tell your younger self what you now understand about that world.

Plot

The story or plot consists of the elements you choose about your life, and the drama or tension that connects your story from beginning to end.

Questions

• Which early labels stuck with you?

• Which did you outgrow or rebel against?

• What expectations shaped your choices?

• What parts of your identity were inherited, and what parts were self‑created?

Activities

• Two‑column truth:

  • Column 1: “The story they told about me”

  • Column 2: “The story I tell about myself now”

• Theme tracing: Pick one early trait (shy, bold, sensitive) and follow its evolution through your life.

• Contradiction hunt: Identify a family story that doesn’t match your memory and explore the gap.

  ---

Turning raw material into memoir

Next, begin weaving what you have uncovered so far into a narrative. Remember, in a memoir, there are two narrators: the one experiencing something for the first time, and the older wiser narrator who now understands the significance of the moment. You can go back and forth between the two narrators within one sentence or paragraph multiple times.

If you know the end of the story you are telling about yourself, start there and map it backwards, scene by scene. If not, start with one of the prompts below but be sure to follow the narrative thread wherever it takes you. Don’t stop until you are done. Make notes.

Try writing:

• A scene from your early life that you only know through others’ stories

• A reflection on how your family’s version of you shaped your identity

• A moment when you realized their story no longer fit

• A memory that contradicts the “official” family narrative

A theme that began in childhood and still influences you today

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A multisensory way to turn your memories, photos, artifacts, and insight into a narrative memoir that includes visuals, storytelling, history, and your chosen family.

Find the thread/rope that runs through your life, then attach all the timeline bits that are a part of your life journey: Dreams dashed, hopes fulfilled, insights into life, advice, family stories yet to be told, stories about friends, historical times or events lived through, questions you wish you had asked, and unexpected life experiences that drew you in different directions, among others. Add your own to the thread/rope. If other family, friends, or a group were involved, use the prompts and activities with them, too. They will surprise you.

Below is a guide you can use individually, with family, or friends to help you find the common thread/rope that runs through your lives. Remember, you only have to choose the Questions and Activities you are interested in. Feel free to add your own as you think of them.

Activities: Creative approaches, how to find the life‑thread, prompts and activities, group exercises, ways to use photos and art, how to shape it into a book.

Finding the throughline of a life

Every life has a through‑line — a theme, a repeating pattern, a question, a longing, a value, or a transformation.

Questions to help find the thread

• What did you always return to, no matter how life changed?

• What did you care about as a child that still matters now?

• What were the turning points that changed your direction?

• What did you learn the hard way?

• What did you love fiercely?

• What did you lose that shaped you?

• What did you create, nurture, or protect?

• What do people thank you for?

• What do you wish you had asked your parents or grandparents?

• What do you hope someone remembers about you?

Activities to reveal the thread

• Life Rope Exercise:
  Give each person a long piece of yarn. Along it, they tie small tags labeled with major life events. Then they step back and look for patterns.

• Theme Sorting:
  Write 20–30 memories on slips of paper. Sort them into piles: love, work, adventure, loss, resilience, humor, etc. The biggest pile often reveals the thread.

• Three Words Test:
  Ask: “If your life were described in three words, what would they be?”
  Then explore why.

Prompts to uncover in-depth stories

These prompts work in groups, families, or one‑on‑one.

Early Life

• A story someone told about you before you could remember

• A place that shaped you

• A childhood rule you broke

• A moment you realized adults were flawed

Dreams & Detours

• A dream you had to let go of

• A dream you fulfilled

• A time life surprised you

• A moment you changed direction

Love & Friendship

• A friend who changed your life

• A love story that taught you something

• A relationship you wish you understood better

• A goodbye that stayed with you

Historical Moments Lived Through

• A world event that changed your daily life

• A moment when history felt personal

• A time you felt the world shift under your feet

Wisdom & Advice

• Something you wish you had known sooner

• Advice you’d give your younger self

• A belief you outgrew

• A belief that never left you

Unasked Questions

• Something you wish you had asked your parents

• A mystery in your family you still wonder about

• A story you wish someone had told you

Turning memories into art

Not everyone wants to write. Some of us want to create.

Photo‑Based Activities

• Photo Freeze‑Frame: Choose a photo and write what happened before and after the moment.

• Photo Dialogue: Imagine what the people in the photo were thinking.

• Photo Collage Timeline: Arrange photos in chronological order and add captions or drawings.

Art‑Based Activities

• Memory Mandala: Draw a circle and fill it with symbols of important life moments.

• Life Map: Sketch the places you lived and the paths between them.

• Hands Project: Trace your hands and fill them with things you’ve held, created, or let go.

Craft‑Based Activities

• Shop/Studio: Woodworking, Metalworking, Sculpture, Printing, Etching, and other hands-on artifacts.

• Memory Quilt Squares: Each square represents a story or theme.

• Life Rope Wall Hanging: Attach tags, photos, charms, or objects to a rope representing your life.

• Some of us are even writers, graphic designers, artists, cooks, actors, photographers, and so much more.

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Group Activities for family gatherings

These are fun, connective, and often insightful.

Story Circles

Each person brings four items: A photo, an object, a memory, and a question

They share for 3–5 minutes.

Others can ask questions after they have finished, and/or start a discussion, or share an insight.

“If You Really Knew Me…”

Each person completes the sentence: “If you really knew me, you’d know…” This provides insight, epiphanies, stories, and reveals self-knowledge.

Memory Swap—Partners exchange a photo or object and tell the story they imagine it holds. Then the owner shares the real story. Questions, discussion to follow.

Decade Dive

Pick a decade. Ask: What were you doing? What did you wear? What music did you love? What scared you? What thrilled you?

Question Cards

Create a deck of prompts:

“Tell a story about a risk you took.”

“Tell a story about a time you laughed until you cried.”

“Tell a story about a moment you felt brave.”

Packaging your story

I’ve packaged this as a memoir and you should now have the raw material to begin the process of telling your story as a narrative. Chronological is not the best way to tell most narrative stories. You want to start in the middle of the action and go from there, Aristotle advised playwrights, with conflict, flashbacks, drama, foreshadowing, and other literary elements as needed to showcase your life story. (See my Elements of Narrative for all of them.)

There are many other ways to tell your story. Some of them could even be included in your memoir book as photos, art, or links to digital content, whether it’s a book, a podcast, a video, a painting, a play, a song, or anything else that inspires you to create and tell your story.

For family history stories, these threads, or the ones above, offer different ways of organizing your material. My advice is to go with the approach that will be the most engaging, fun, dramatic, insightful approach you can think of. It doesn’t matter if your story isn’t like anyone else’s story. It might even be more interesting that way.

Here are some memoir stories I’ve posted here on Substack that follow the principles I’m discussing:

How to write nonfiction narratives about ancestors with drama, flair, grammar

Writing memoir: 12 steps to telling your story, 2 strategies, and an example

Game of cards for seniors, community, designed for good times, fun, in telling life stories

Use this as a checklist to make sure you didn’t forget anything. Talk to your family about their favorite stories about you. Add to this list.

The Thread of My Life:

• Your theme

• Your early influences

• Your defining values

The Journey:

• Childhood

• Young adulthood

• Work and purpose

• Love and relationships

• Parenting or chosen family

• Losses and turning points

• Adventures and surprises

Wisdom & Reflections:

• What I have learned

• What I wish I had asked

• What I hope you remember

• What I want to pass on

Photos, Art, and Artifacts, Projects:

• Captions that provide the who, what, when, where, why, and how

• Collages

• Drawings

• Letters

• Keepsakes

• Artifacts

• Craft/Sewing projects

The Legacy Pages

• Messages to children, grandchildren, friends

• Advice to future generations

• Hopes for the world

• A story I want people to remember about me

Now it’s your turn to create your first draft.

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Set in the second half of the 20^th century, this memoir of a kid who dreams of breaking into radio broadcasting in the Pacific Northwest is a rollercoaster ride that weaves in and out of the timeline of news stories he broke. It is about his family and friends, the career drama of moving every few years, and the hiring and firing that was typical then of the hardscrabble radio news business.

Meet Bill Cooper, who attended Benson Polytechnic H.S and, despite all odds, learned from the best-in-the-business media gurus before email, cell phones, and digital recordings were a thing.

When there was no such thing as job security in the PNW radio, TV, and newspaper business, Bill managed to find the throughline over his 40-year career, and to his credit covered big breaking news about con artists, tragedy, presidents—even breaking the Tanya Harding story of “the whack on the knee heard around the world.”

I paid for and picked up my autographed copy of Tuned In: A life on and off the radio and a cup of Ava Roasteria coffee when I met Bill to talk about his new book last November in Beaverton, Oregon. (I have a whole shelf of autographed books from local writers I know.) Bill gets straight to the point and doesn’t mince words. His voice comes through loud and clear in radio, and now in print. He’s gifted storyteller who uses selective concrete description to paint a picture you won’t forget.

Bill doesn’t mince words, telling a straight-up engaging story built on his life experience of 40-second colorful radio stories--unless a radio colleague pushes him out of the way to get a sound bite, only to have Bill push back and swear like a sailor to prevent that reporter from getting usable tape for his story.

Through it all, the stories reveal the tight-knit talented group of radio news guys and gals and the behind-the-scenes stories of their lives—how they lived, how they worked, the memories they created, and how they died. In the middle of the book are 42 pages of photos that help tell his story.

Told at a breathtaking pace, there is plenty of drama, sorrow, fun, tragedy, and suspense in his life and in his work. It’s a genuine page-turner. Bill’s story starts at Portland’s Benson Polytechnic H.S. as a student and ends with his return to his KPBS-AM radio station as general manager. In his first book, he shows he is now a first-rate storytelling in broadcasting and print.

The narrative is so riveting I couldn’t put it down. For example, one short report was about the first school shooting in Springfield which is shocking even today. Another story Bill revealed was how many of us at Benson had been treated badly by an area superintendent—including the principal he replaced when he took over!

Bill’s book is an amazing achievement, and shows how the strategies used in writing a memoir also make for great family history storytelling.

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I do not receive any compensation, incentives, or benefits for writing this review.

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The point of journalism, I believe, is to roll up your sleeves and get down to business because there is no time to waste. Everything you learn on your first newspaper job you learn the hard way, and I brought that with me when I became a high school journalism teacher.

I was only seven years older than my first group of students when I was hired to teach journalism and photography at Roseburg (OR) Senior High School, and I knew how much high school students hate to be talked at or, even worse, lectured; therefore, I cooked up an evil scheme to teach them everything the hard way—as a kind of prank and to never pull the same prank on them twice. It taught them to think on their feet, question everything, and tackle the problem at hand. I didn’t really have time to talk or lecture, anyway—we published a high school newspaper every two weeks! When I did speak, it was direct, to the point, and ideally funny in that epiphany kind of way—mind blown—that reveals new ways of seeing and thinking.

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I had expert help along the way. I am an avid reader, specially of anything written by someone with a newspaper or journalism background, and I hate to reinvent the wheel if there’s already something handy I can use. Sometimes, it wasn’t quite in the form I needed it for a high school audience, so I adapted it.

I’m grateful to Nora Ephron, one of the pioneers of literary journalism movement, for the inspiration for my first day lesson, based on a column she wrote for Esquire. It was a piece about the best teacher she ever had—her high school journalism teacher—and appealed to me because hey, who doesn’t want to learn how to be the best, and I was about to face a classroom of teenagers solo for the first time!

I’m also grateful to her journalism teacher Charles Sims at Beverly Hills High School in 1956-57, because he created the lesson she wrote about that I adapted. He dictated a set of facts, and students had to take them and write the first paragraph of a news story.

Beginning Journalism, Day 1: I followed his lead and dictated facts, in the beginning just swapping out local names for the example, and later inventing my own stories to keep it fresh: “Ethan Thompson, principal of Roseburg Senior High School, announced today the faculty would travel to Eugene on Monday for a workshop on new teaching methods. Speaking there will be anthropologist Margaret Mead, educator Robert Maynard Hutchins, and several others.”

We did a read-around of everyone’s leads, which almost always was fed back in the opposite order from what I had just dictated: “Margaret Mead and Robert Maynard Hutchins will lead a workshop…” and after everyone had smugly patted themselves on the back for a job well done, I would simply say, just as in the story Ephron wrote, “The lead is ‘There will be no school on Monday.’”

As Ephron wrote in her column: “It was an electrifying moment. So that’s it, I realized. It’s about the point.”

The lesson always works exactly as planned.

Beginning Journalism, Day 2: “Today, you are going to learn how to write a news story, but I haven’t taught you how to gather information and interview people yet. Instead, you are going to turn a fairy tale into a news story.” We would then list all the ones they knew, recap some of the plot points and literary devices. (In later years, many of my students were unfamiliar with fairy tales, or children’s stories, so I began reading some of my favorites to them first.)

Then I would draw the inverted pyramid on the board and tell them the story had to start with the latest and most important information first, and work backwards from there. The great thing about fairy tales is they are told in narrative chronological form, unlike a news story. Many of them were in chronological form, so they had to rewrite it. Another hard-luck lesson.

Sometimes, beginning writers just needed to see an example to get it, but I always made them write their story first, then we would analyze where they went right or wrong, and then I would show them the example if they wanted me to. Believe it or not, much of the time they would immediately get what they did wrong and want to fix it rather than see an example. Fine by me.

I think it’s a fun writing assignment, and I’m sharing the one I wrote—my favorite example which I shared with them on a fancy overhead projector slide I would project onto the movie screen. If you’ve got a little time on your hands these days, it might be kind of fun to rummage through your own books and try writing your own news stories!

Memorial service planned
for fun-loving but fragile friend

By Rob Melton
Fairy Tale News Service

FAIRYLAND—Officials are scrambling to get ready for a memorial service tomorrow at 3 p.m. in the Our Lady of Perpetual Omelet church honoring Humpty Dumpty. Friends and acquaintances were broken up over the unexpected demise of their wise-cracking comrade.

His remains will be cream-aided along with his favorite cheese, medium cheddar, and jalapeño Tobasco.

“He was one spicy dish,” cooed one of the chicks who witnessed the tragedy. “There was so much of him to love.”

The stout AAA-sized egg fell off a wall Monday after showing off to a group of teen-eggers and losing his balance.

“Here’s a Humpty, there’s a Humpty, everywhere a Humpty Dumpty,” said farmer Auld McDonald. A group of hens nearby clucked in agreement.

“He was a good egg, one of the best I ever met,” Little Red Hen said. “He always had a funny yoke for everyone. He wasn’t eggotistical at all,” Henny Penny said.

“He was certainly a big cheese around here,” mayor Jack Sprat said. “He was loved by all.”

And now three stories written by new journalism teachers in my University of Iowa Methods of Teaching Journalism class:

Sleepless in Seattle
disrupts family home

On July 4, 10-year-old Goldilocks was committed to the Seattle Institute for Sleeping Disorders after breaking and entering the home of the Bear family and found asleep on Baby Bear’s bed. She has been diagnosed with insomnia.

While being escorted out of the Bear family home, Goldilocks said, “For so long I’ve been sleepless in Seattle so I’m not sorry for what I did.”

The Bear family reported a series of strange events related to Goldilocks’ insomnia, the last stop being the bedroom. According to Papa Bear, “That blond girl took turns lying in all our beds. Mine first, in fact, according to her footprint pattern between beds.”

Mama Bear added, “She probably moved because your bed is so hard,” then explained, “I like my bed and my chair really soft.”

The investigating officer said, “Before heading to the bedroom, Miss Goldilocks apparently tested all the chairs in the living room until settling on Baby Bear’s chair and breaking it. According to the break pattern, she tried to fall asleep on the chair and stretched in too awkward a position for the chair.”

Papa Bear said, “My chair is just as hard as my bed.”

In the kitchen, it’s reported that Goldilocks also helped herself to the bear’s family meal, porridge.

Mama Bear said, “Papa likes his porridge really hot and I like mine quite cold. In our marriage, it seems opposites attract.”

“The Bear family left on account of the parade interrupting their lunch,” the investigating officer said.

The doctor in charge of insomnia at the Boston Institute reported, “Eating porridge and rocking in a chair can help sleepless children find the relief they’re looking for under the right conditions.”

Said Baby Bear, “My porridge, my chair, my bed. I guess they were all just right.”

Intruder Invades
Family’s Home

Yesterday afternoon, the sheriff responded to a call regarding an invader in a home. The uninvited guest apparently took some food, vandalized some furniture, and messed up some items in a bedroom. Out of protection for the young child in the family, authorities asked that the identity of the alleged victims not be released, other than to say they live in a remote, heavily wooded area.

Investigators are seeking a small female with blonde, curly hair. The husband and wife, and parents of one, said the vandal ran from the house and fled into the woods when the family returned home; she appeared to be asleep when the family discovered her. Police searched the area, but were unable to turn up any evidence of a suspect.

“Often, these encounters don’t end as harmlessly as this one, “ Detective James Porrege commented. “When a burglar or vandal is discovered unexpectedly, grizzly consequences frequently result.”

After a crime like this, law enforcement promptly alerted area schools and child care centers. “It gives us pause,” Elementary School Principal Emily Dreibar wrote in a statement to parents, “to see how vulernable young people are. We support the family and know that the community will heighten its awareness. Thankfully, the assailant did not harm anyone.”

The report states that some breakfast food was stolen from the kitchen. After visiting the kitchen, apparently the assailant entered the den where she sat in each chair, breaking the baby’s chair beyond repair. Her last trip took her to three beds in the bedroom, were she appears to have rested in each. It is in the child’s bed where the owners discovered her, asleep. When she awoke, she frantically fled to the woods.

Since the house is so remotely located, no one witnessed the entry. During a brief phone coversation, the mother and owner of the home stated “In a secluded house, it scares us that someone just walked in, especially with our child home. The unbearable violence and crime of the city is why we moved out here.”

Detective Porrege takes all cases of violence and unauthorized entry seriously. “While a bit of stolen food and some vandalism may seem minor, who knows what this person intended,” he reflected. “A more serious and lethal plot may have been interrupted.”

Seven years ago, after a long winter’s rest, the husband and wife left the urban setting and decided to have children. They built their current home and had their first baby. The mother said she has instilled the need to be careful around strangers, even in the woods. She claims that they typically lock their doors and don’t recall leaving it open. There was no sign of forced entry.

Strip Search Finds Truth

Emperor takes away clothes, brings back honesty

A wise man once said, “If you want to see the truth, look through the eyes of a child.” This old adage came to life in Lessonville because of a naked emperor and an honest child.

A ceremonial parade was anything but festive when the townspeople gathered to view the Emperor’s new clothes but instead saw more than they had bargained for.

“I heard a strange murmur from the crowd as the regal procession neared,” said townsperson Scaredof DaTruth. “So, I lifted my son up onto my shoulders just in time to see Emperor DeVain Clotheshorse pass by…stark naked.”

Clearly the townspeople weren’t there to watch such a peculiar sight. News had spread through the village of two learned tailors who had invented an extraordinary method to weave a cloth so light and fine that it looked invisible.

As a matter on fact the tailors, Its Allaboutme and Ima Fortunestealer, were heard boasting that the cloth was invisible to anyone who was “too stupid or too incompetent to appreciate its quality.”

Human nature could be blamed for the townspeople’s inability to let anyone else know they could not see the fabric. Scaredof DaTruth said, “Even though I was embarrassed for the Emperor, I was even more fearful of people thinking I was a fool.”

Scaredof DaTruth was not alone. Echoes rang through the town square exclaiming the beauty of the fabrics and their exquisite colors.

Even the Prime Minister fell into the trap set by the so-called tailors. Ivana B. Competent shared her dismay, “I’m saddened to admit that my fear of immediate discharge from office outweighed my common sense and honesty. I’m just so thankful someone was willing to speak the truth.”

Not often are adults humbled by a lesson taught by a mere child. This was exactly the case when young Admits DaTruth, son of Scaredof DaTruth, stopped the charade by saying exactly what everyone else was thinking.

“As soon as my father lifted me to his shoulders,” shared Admits DaTruth, “I looked at the Emperor DeVain Clotheshorse, and I was so confused why everyone was making such a big deal about his new clothes. He wasn’t wearing any!”

Shock rang through the crowd when young Admits DaTruth walked up to the carriage and with the honesty and candor of a child, said, “The Emperor is naked!”

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*The best lessons are learned the hard way. By that, I mean don’t put your cub reporters on the most important story unless they are ready. Trial by fire.

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Last month I started reading books again, specifically books about immigrants to America in the distant past, and immigrants not so long ago.

I’m a lifelong reader and writer.

When I was in grade school I started reading and writing poetry and was encouraged by several teachers. I wrote plays, created a neighborhood newsletter (one page) that got me interested in technology (ditto machine—you’re likely too young to know what that was), was a voracious reader of The Hardy Boys books, science fiction, novels, Sherlock Holmes, Shakespeare….

I have a short stack of books on my desk I’ve been eager to read. There’s nothing like reading great books, learning something new, and seeing things in a new light.

Here are a few sneak previews:

Shakespeare wrote The Tempest about a Mayflower ancestor who was stranded in Bermuda after a storm sunk the Sea Venture, according to the recent book A Stranger Among Saints by Jonathan Mack. Completed, and looking forward to writing about it, as it illustrates how plotting how an ancestor travels can be used to conclusively build a history that hasn’t already been written. Plus, it could be a great movie!

Then I discovered this new book “On the Date, Sources and Design of Shakespeare’s The Tempest”at Powell’s Books which discusses The Tempest’s relationship to William Strachey’s True Reportory account of the 1609 Bermuda wreck of the Sea Venture (not published until 1625), and the tangled history of how and why scholars have for so long misunderstood these matters.

Currently reading a memoir, of sorts, by one of Portland’s favorite facebook characters who (along with me and many others) started the “scary sights around Portland” photos that show calm streets, pretty rivers, and nice people. Daniel J. Loftus edited his mother’s book about living in Hood River before WWII as fruit farmers and being an American citizen whose parents came from Japan and their first-hand account of living in incarceration camps. He’s a media guy. Past the half-way mark.

Up next is a memoir by a radio news guy I worked with at Benson Polytechnic H.S. about his career as a Northwest news jock that offers a fascinating glimpse of history.

Of course we also take the grandkids to Powell’s Books to choose look for a book they really want to read, and pick up books for ourselves, too.

Then there is the Multnomah County Library, where I recently discovered that with my library card I can read The New York Times every day for free!

What’s not to love? Will be back shortly. I promise. Yes, it all relates to what I’ve been saying for the last year or so, and it’s giving me some new ideas, too! They don’t call me the “idea-a-minute” guy for nothing!

Over and out.

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Welcome to Life Skills—

Storytelling is an essential human skill that is as universal as life itself. It occurs in every culture in every age. Storytelling is a life skill that helps us feed ourselves through hunting, planting, harvesting, and preparing food. Life Skills are how we protect our friends, family, and community when they are threatened. Life Skills help us build community and work together with others, while passing along our knowledge, beliefs, faith, values, songs, stories, poems, and art that are passed from one generation to another.

Every day, we tell stories or share anecdotes about what we are thinking or experiencing. Sharing and listening to stories connects us with others and helps us understand them better. Humans have been telling them so long they actually make our communication more effective, according to a new brain study.

This newsletter connects the many ways storytelling is essential to everything we do as humans. It includes strategies for how to tell, write, record, visualize, graph, explain, not only how we do it, but why we do it, and the most effective ways to do it. In short, this is about the who, what, when, where, why, and how of it all.

We’ll examine what stories get told and which don’t. Why we veer away from politics but are drawn to the unexamined stories that validate our beliefs. Along the way, you’ll read stories that make us laugh and cry, engage and make us think, and celebrate the many ways we tell stories that enrich or help others understand each other and work together for the common good. Sometimes that’s easy and sometimes that’s hard. Learning the Life Skills that help us communicate with each other is the first step.

In A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, for example, the miserly cold-hearted Ebenezer Scrooge asks “Are there no workhouses?” The rhetorical question urged Victorian-era readers to reconsider their own attitudes towards poverty and the importance of generosity and compassion.

One more thing—

You should know that you can subscribe for free to my newsletter (or anyone else’s) rather than follow. What’s the difference?

Follow only notifies you of new posts in Notes and the feed.

Subscribe notifies you in the app or website instead, and it’s free!

If you want to be notified immediately by email when a new post is up, that’s fine, too. When you are ready to subscribe, you know what to do.

Here’s how Substack explains it (I believe mine is more clear, emphasis mine):

What is the difference between a follower and a subscriber?

When you follow a creator or reader, you’ll see their Notes and some reading activity such as post likes in your Home feed. You won’t get emails from profiles you follow and you won’t get posts in your Inbox.

When you subscribe to a Substack publication, you share your email and receive their posts via email and/or the Substack app. If you’re a paying subscriber, you can view exclusive posts, notes, and chat threads that the creator wants to share just for paid readers.

You can follow someone without subscribing to their Substack and likewise, you can unfollow someone without unsubscribing from their publication.

Welcome!

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Drinking With Grandma

I learned to drink from my grandmother when I was only eight. She’d set out the glasses, pour the bitter brown liquid into each one, and instruct us in the fine art of drinking—how to hold the glass, how to sip it slowly, knowing when you’ve reached your limit. My 7-year-old brother and I dutifully obeyed.

And there were so many types of drinks to choose from! How is an eight-year-old supposed to keep track of it all? The only way, we discovered, is to try every single one of them with an expert guide, our grandma. We spent many Saturdays with grandma, for drinking is an art, and the fine appreciation of an art is only acquired after significant experience.

It was even more fun when we learned to make it ourselves. After a couple of tries, we were brewmasters. We were experts, us second and third-graders. We were up to snuff by the end of the month. Grandma and grandpa were both so proud. Their little Darjeelings were now steeped in the family tradition. Independent. Self-reliant. Pioneers. Another generation of tea-makers.

Oh the Darjeelings we had, the Earl Grays we consumed, the English Breakfasts we woke up to, and nothing would do but to serve Twining’s brand tea, because if it was good enough for Her Majesty the Queen, it was good enough for grandma.

There was never a shortage of teacups—those decorative, dainty cups with the deep saucers that ladies used to give each other as engagement presents. Although she was born in Pomona, California—her parents were from Canada— my proper Canadian-mannered grandmother still had more than 50 of them after 50 years of marriage to my grandfather. We each chose our own English bone china teacup and matching saucer from a cabinet that held only teacups in an old servant’s quarters at the back of the kitchen.

Then, she would teach us Melton children the proper Canadian way to sip our tea, and my Mayflower-ancestor grandpa was always game. Our two older Corlett cousins told us they were perfect; therefore, such lessons were not necessary for them. I’m sure it was an “If it’s to be it’s up to me” moment for my grandmother.

“To make a proper pot of tea,” grandma would say, “you must absolutely start with fresh water and bring it to a boil.” She instructed one of us to use the loose tea from the tin—add one teaspoon of tea leaves to the teapot for each person, one for the pot, add boiling water—and wait.

“Why can’t we use a teabag, grandma?”

“You can’t read your fortune in the tea leaves if they are still in the tea bag now, can you?”

“Good things come to those who wait,” she would remind us, as she instructed us in the fine art of small talk. With a bit of polite prompting, we enjoyed taking turns talking with each other around the table.

Tea is about patience. You must steep the tea for at least five minutes, otherwise it’s thin and tasteless like gruel. You want the rich body and aroma and character that comes from waiting.

When it was finally ready, the tea was usually poured from a brightly polished silver teapot which sat on a silver tray with matching sugar and creamer. No proper English person drinks tea, of course, without adding milk and sugar. The sugar cubes were arranged neatly in the narrow tray with the silver tongs we used to pick them up and deposit them in our tea.

“One lump? Or two?” she would ask. I was naturally more curious how the sugar got into a cube, and how it was possible for loose sugar to take the form of a cube that measured exactly one teaspoon.

Meanwhile, ever the jokester, grandpa would be pouring the tea quickly between his cup and his saucer without spilling a drop. “Oh, Alden!” she would say. It really does cool tea quickly.

“Now don’t forget to raise your pinky when you lift your glass,” she said. It’s a matter of balance.

My brother and I thought that was for sissies—until we nearly dropped our cups in our laps. Raising your pinky finger, we discovered, really does help you balance your teacup. This skill was useful later when I took up fencing in college. We drank our tea because we knew what was next—grandma reading tea leaves. Yes, she also taught us how to read tea leaves.

“I see you will be traveling soon,” she said to me.

“How can you tell?” I asked.

“You see, right there, if you turn your cup upside down, you can see a ship, which means you will be traveling.”

She looked at my brother’s cup and said, “You will be outside playing a game soon. The birds are flying in the sky, and there is a ball on the ground.”

“Pour us another cup of tea, grandma! We want to read more tea leaves!”

Sometimes we enjoyed her famous orange marmalade on toast with tea. The fruit she used for canning—including bitter Seville oranges (the secret to great marmalade)—was grown on her sister’s family farm in Fresno, also the source of the family’s plum pudding ingredients at Christmas.

I was slathering grandma’s famous home-made orange marmalade (the secret is Seville oranges which are slightly bitter) onto a piece of toast one morning when she stared at me like I was supposed to know why and said, “Spread just a hint of spring onto your toast.” She wanted it to last the year.

Indeed, there is an art to serving and enjoying tea, but there is also extensive preparation for more elaborate family get-togethers, such as polishing silver before Christmas.

Polishing silver with grandma was never a chore, it was more something to be endured. You’d wipe the silver with a smooth cloth and sometimes use a toothbrush to get the black tarnish out of the filigree work.

There are actually two schools of thought about this. Grandma said there should be no tarnish visible, period. (Like the way she always took a washcloth and scrubbed behind our ears in the big claw-footed bathtub filled with bubbles.) The piece should sparkle and shine.

Then there was my school of thought, which was that some tarnish gave the piece depth and beauty. It seemed more worldly, experienced, mature. I still wonder if the silversmith who creates a piece means for it to be seen without tarnish, or with a bit of character. I know where I stand on this important issue.

Polishing silver was like going to church on Sundays. The goal was to be shiny and without tarnish. And if tarnish began showing, as it always must in the human condition, the proper thing to do was work at it until it disappeared again, remaining ever vigilante to its reappearance.

I don’t know if you could truly appreciate how much tarnish is possible in one person’s life until you saw my grandmother’s silver collection. Most people may have a couple of pieces of silver given to them as a wedding gift, but she literally had hundreds of pieces.

When you have a dining room table that seats 10 per side, you can begin to appreciate the necessity for armies of grandchildren to spend an afternoon polishing silver with grandma. Much of the table silver was kept in maroon felt bags that helped preserve the shine and keep away the tarnish in a room the size of a small modern-day kitchen off the dining room, hidden by a pocket door. We would all dutifully sit down at the table with Wright’s Silver Polish Cream, a rag, and a toothbrush and polish away like good Christian children.

We McElrath grandchildren took our silver cleaning seriously. For a really good party, you would need 50 place settings of a salad fork, a dinner fork, a dessert fork, a knife, a butter knife, a teaspoon, a tablespoon plus assorted serving pieces including pickle forks. Right there you already have 350 pieces of silverware.

During holidays or large family gatherings, there were numerous silver platters and serving bowls that held vegetables, sliced meats, potatoes, sauces, and desserts which were displayed on the 12-foot buffet, topped in black Italian marble with white and grey veins.

As if that weren’t enough, there were also 12 teapots and coffee urns of various sizes with matching sugar and creamer and platter, and more than 400 pieces of silver to wash and clean and polish.

What do you do with this much silver? You use it, faithfully and religiously. It keeps the tarnish away. Left to its own devices and ignored, the tarnish creeps back onto the silver. Used regularly with those you love, it brings sustenance, sparkle, and character into your life.

Now I’m a grandpa, and when I saw a noticeable lapse in our grandchildren’s table manners during the pandemic, (and thinking of something fun to do one day), I pull out all four of the teacups I inherited from my grandmother through my mother, and we held our own tea party—except, I decide to create a caricature of my grandmother.

I pursed my lips primly like my grandmother and showed the grandchildren the mechanics of sipping tea. They try it out, and deliberately violate most of the rules about being polite, as I stayed in character.

When they start sassing each other, I teach them how to frown over your glasses and politely speak in the third person, never directly, at those who show an egregious lack of manners! I shared an example: “Little boys who call their sister names should not be tolerated!” They howl. I kept going. They soon followed.

We learned how to make tea in a pot one week, and to not drink it while hot (we use an ice cube). They learned how to add just a hint of sugar or honey, blow on it, sip it, all while balancing the cup with your pinkie up and saucer in your other hand on your knee (or the table).

We make black tea with clever steeping devices or teabags. We make herbal tea. We try new blends. “Yuck!” (Sometimes, too much sugar is added.) We enjoy talking with each other.

Perhaps one day we will dress up for a proper tea party photo! When they are old enough, I should also tell them how my mother put a cube of ice in her “viticultural juice” that she sipped every day of her life. (If you’re old enough to know what that means, you’re probably old enough to drink it, although her mother’s family only grew table grapes, and were strict teetotalers.)

Innes, my mother, spent time at her grandmother’s fruit farm in Fresno and most of her life in hot, Northern California wine country. She was a founding member of the Stitch and Bitch Club in Cloverdale, California, (originally home of Italian Swiss Colony wine, now Asti Winery) that met once a week.

She admitted once that sometimes it was less about stitching and more about enjoying a glass of wine while bitching. Most of the women were the spouses of teachers in the small town. It was a place where they could speak freely.

I understand they solved most of the world’s problems over the years.

last rev. 3-29-2026

Grandma’s parents were both born in Quebec. Her father left Quebec with his brother to start their construction business, and returned to Quebec to marry. The new family packed up and moved to California where her father and his brother became prominent, talented, and wealthy builders. My grandmother was born in Pomona, California, but instilled in her were many of the English traditions she learned from her parents.

Ready to write your own memoir short stories? Here are some ideas, and you don’t have to be a professional to get started. The idea for this list came after a virtual baby shower, when several close cousins got to thinking about the stories our families share, which resulted in a request to me that, since “you’re our historian... let’s have all the cousins add to this!!!!”

The elements of this story were the result of a brainstorming session with my cousins!

STEP-BY-STEP TIPS:

1. Give yourself an assignment. “Write a list of everything I loved doing with grandma and grandpa” or “Make a list of all the fun things I did with grandma and grandpa as a kid” or make up your own. It could also be about living relatives.

2. Choose something from your list to get started. Based on my cousins’ responses, I chose to focus on the art of preparing, serving, and enjoying tea, as taught to us by our grandmother, whose family emigrated from Ontario, Canada, before she was born.

3. Take each item on the list and write down everything you remember about each one, one at a time. Write down everything you can see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. That will trigger more memories, believe it or not. It doesn’t have to be in narrative form. In memoir, which is what this is, truth based on memory, there are always TWO narrators: The one living through the experience for the first time, and the older, wiser narrator who now understands the significance, or truth, of that experience. Notice which one you are using as you write. In one sentence or one paragraph, believe it or not, you can go back and forth between the past and the present narrators. (See my story below.) Think of the TV show “The Waltons” with John Boy. The show always starts and/or ends with him reflecting back on something, and then the story unfolds.

4. Choose something from your list to develop further. I chose a cup of tea with our grandmother. (See below.)

5. Tell your story the way you remember it. (Write/Record/Videotape) We believe that we all remember a story the same way, but we don’t. A radio show I heard on NPR proves this point. A mother and two daughters all experienced a dramatic event, and an editor was assigned to each one of them and they were instructed not to discuss their story with the others. They hear their three stories when the show airs for the first time, and the only thing that is the same is the one event they all agreed to include. I then asked my siblings about memories of common events and discovered we, too, all have different memories and stories around an event. Tell your story.

6. Write your sentences with picture nouns and action verbs. Preferably in present tense. Show, don’t tell: Sight, sound, taste, touch, smell. It’s how you flex your writing muscles.

7. Structure tip: Find the structure, tone, or approach that helps you tell the story best. Aristotle advised to “Start in the middle.” Sometimes a story within a story works best, Mark Twain style. Sometimes an unexpected twist or observation works best, the Aha! moment. You decide.

8. Don’t worry about spelling or editing until the end (it uses a different part of your brain). The polish stage comes last, after you are pleased with your story! If you are not pleased with it, what is the point of crossing your t’s and dotting your i’s? Most of my stories go through multiple drafts. I usually let my brain rest before I look at what I’ve done with fresh eyes, and that can result in dramatic changes that make a big difference; if not, you can always go back to your first draft.

9. Give yourself a deadline. I find time every day to write. Sometimes it’s short, sometimes it’s long. Sometimes it is just an idea. What motivates me to get started is food, drink, chores, and an awaiting audience—my family, friends, or you. Picture your audience, and write to please them, too.

10. Share with your audience. Create a title that demands attention and makes them want to read it. I share mine with family or a community of friends who are supportive and fun-loving, and we encourage conversation about the stories we share. REPEAT.

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SECRET TIP #1: As you begin making the list, or writing the story, suddenly your brain will start throwing a lot of memories your way. Write it all down. You’ll also remember other random things. Keep a side list of these new ideas as they come to you and write about them, too.

SECRET TIP #2: Use your Explorer, Artist, Judge, and Warrior to become more creative. The Explorer has to find the raw material. The Artist experiments with a variety of approaches (multiple drafts) to come up with a new idea. The Judge decides whether you’re on the right track or how to make it better. The Warrior gives you the courage to take your idea into battle to develop your strategy and reach your objective. Author Roger von Oech is an expert on creativity.

SECRET TIP #3: Take notes. I’m a copious note-taker, so of course I wrote down all the advice and lessons that writers taught students in my classes during their Writers In The Schools residencies in Portland (Ore.) Public Schools. You can read my Crafting the Narrative notes, and be sure to read these excellent writers’ works and their recommendations from your local library or from your favorite local bookstore, such as Powell’s City of Books in Portland, Oregon (used and new).

Originally drafted during Ariel Gore’s Writers In The Schools residency in my Benson Polytechnic H.S. Communication majors English classes on February 8, 2001. I retired from Benson in 2010. Yes, I was one of those teachers who wrote along with my students.

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INSIGHT & ENTERTAINMENT FOR OLDSTERS AND GROUP ACTIVITIES FOR EVERYONE

I created this to give seniors and others a voice and opportunity to share their own life stories. If some of them write it, record it, video it, and/or share it, then my mission is complete!

If I was doing this for a classroom or the grandkids, I would probably start with everyone creating 10 questions that would make great stories—and that may actually be the best way to do an activity like this. If you have the time. Which I didn’t always have as a teacher.

My first strategy is always to make them do the work and have the fun while I take care of the teacher stuff, and I’m usually greatly amused at what they create! See this cartoon an observant student made? Totally true and even I laughed.

The first set of prompts are designed to help you find the thread that weaves through the stories of your life.

The second set of prompts help discover those stories you can weave together with your narrative thread.

YOUR GOAL is to use the prompts, activities, and strategies to share the stories of your life, and have fun telling them to others in the process.

OTHER OPTIONS:

Print sheets or cards (scroll to the end)

PowerPoint Presentation

A workshop activity guide

A version for families or intergenerational gatherings

A version for memory‑care or dementia‑friendly groups

OR YOU COULD JUST DOWNLOAD THE QUETION CARD DECKS

If you are like me, I’m sure you will probably download one or both of the card sheets I made, below. It’s especially useful when you are working with table groups, or when you just want to look at one prompt or activity at a time.

Personally, I find text easier and faster to read, and definitely faster than listening to an audio or video recording. I can read 500 wpm if needed depending on the text and my purpose in reading it. But I’ll slow down to listen to or read real people’s stories.

Printable Card Decks

Oldster Cards by Category

That’s what this is all about! Have fun. Tell stories.

Time to get started. Grab a pad of paper, a phone, or a tablet to capture it all.

Subscribe now

PART I: THE ACTIVITIES

The Arc of Your Life

My life thread

Three words that describe my life:

A value I always return to:

A question I’ve tried to answer my whole life:

A pattern I see in my choices:

A moment that changed everything:

Activity: The Life Rope

Draw a long rope across the page. Mark knots for each stage of your life, and add notes to remind you of the stories you’ve heard.

Birth

Childhood

Adolescence

Young adulthood

Middle years

Later years

Early Life & Origins

Before I Remember

A story told about my birth or early years:

A trait people said I had as a child:

A place that shaped me:

A family tradition that mattered:

Activity: The House Map

Sketch the home you grew up in.
Label:

Where you slept

Where you felt safe

Where you got in trouble

Where you dreamed

Childhood & Growing Up

Memories That Stayed With Me

A childhood friend who mattered:

A rule I broke:

A moment I felt brave:

A moment I felt small:

Something I learned early:

The Firsts List

List your first:

Fear

Triumph

Loss

Secret

Adventure

Dreams, Detours & Turning Points

Dreams

A dream I once had:

A dream I fulfilled:

A dream I let go of:

A dream I still hold:

Turning Points

A moment that changed my direction:

A risk I took:

A time I surprised myself:

A time life surprised me:

The Fork in the Road

Draw a forked path.
Label each path with a choice you made, or almost made.

Love, Friendship & Relationships

Love

A love story that shaped me:

A relationship that taught me something:

A goodbye that stayed with me:

Friendship

A friend who changed my life:

A friend I wish I had kept:

A friend who made me laugh:

The Circle of People

Draw a circle.
Place names of people who influenced you at different distances from the center.

Historical Times I Lived Through

World Events

A world event that changed my daily life:

A moment when history felt personal:

A time the world felt uncertain:

A time the world felt full of possibility:

Decade Dive

Choose a decade (1950s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 00s, 10s…).
Write:

What I wore

What I listened to

What I believed

What I feared

What I hoped

Work, Purpose & Contribution

Work

My first job:

My favorite job:

A job that challenged me:

A job that taught me something important:

Purpose

Something I built or created:

Someone I helped:

Something I’m proud of:

The Hands Project

Trace your hands.
Inside them, write things you’ve held, created, or let go.

Loss, Resilience & Wisdom

Loss

A loss that shaped me:

What I learned from grief:

What I wish I had said:

Resilience

A time I kept going:

A time I started over:

A time I forgave myself:

The Mountain

Draw a mountain.
Write the hardest things you climbed through on the way up.

Photos, Art & Artifacts

Photo Prompts

For each photo:

What’s happening outside the frame?

What came before this moment?

What came after?

What does this photo say about who I was?

Photo Freeze‑Frame

Choose a photo and write:

“The next chapter of my life after this was…”

Art Prompts

Draw a symbol of your life thread

Create a collage of meaningful objects

Sketch a place that lives in your memory

Questions I Wish I Had Asked

Something I wish I had asked my parents:

Something I wish I had asked my grandparents:

A family mystery I still wonder about:

A story I wish someone had told me:

The Empty Chair

Imagine someone you miss is sitting in a chair.
Write the questions you would ask them now.

Wisdom, Advice & Messages

What I Learned

Something I learned the hard way:

Something I learned with joy:

Something I learned too late:

Something I’m still learning:

Messages to the Future

What I want my family to know:

What I hope they remember:

What I want to pass on:

Letter to the Future

Write a letter to:

A child

A grandchild

A friend

A future reader

The Story I Want to Be Remembered By

A final reflection:

My life in one sentence:

What I hope people say about me:

What I hope my life meant:

The legacy I leave behind:

Another way to go, especially if you can do table groups, are the ready‑to‑use set of Question Cards I designed for groups, families, senior centers, writing circles, or intergenerational gatherings. They are open‑ended which should make this a fun storytelling activity for everyone.

You can print them, cut them into cards, or read them aloud in a circle.
Each deck focuses on a different aspect of life.

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PART 2: THE QUESTIONS

DECK 1 — The Thread of My Life

1. Tell a story that shows what has always mattered to you.

2. What is a value you never let go of?

3. Describe a moment that changed your direction.

4. What pattern do you see in your life choices?

5. What did you care about as a child that still matters?

6. What is something you kept returning to over and over?

7. Tell about a time you surprised yourself.

8. What question have you been trying to answer your whole life?

9. What do people thank you for?

10. What do you hope people remember about you?

DECK 2 — Early Life & Childhood

1. Tell a story someone told about you before you could remember.

2. What was your favorite place as a child?

3. Describe a childhood friend who mattered.

4. What rule did you break?

5. What made you feel safe?

6. What made you feel brave?

7. What was your favorite thing to do?

8. What was something you learned early?

9. What was your first big fear?

10. What was your first big triumph?

DECK 3 — Dreams, Detours & Turning Points

1. What was a dream you once had?

2. What dream did you fulfill?

3. What dream did you let go of?

4. Tell about a time life surprised you.

5. Tell about a time you surprised yourself.

6. What was a turning point in your life?

7. What was a risk you took?

8. What was a risk you didn’t take?

9. What was a moment you changed direction?

10. What is something you still hope for?

DECK 4 — Love, Friendship & Relationships

1. Tell a love story that shaped you.

2. Tell about a friend who changed your life.

3. Tell about a friend who made you laugh.

4. Tell about a goodbye that stayed with you.

5. What relationship taught you something important?

6. Who believed in you when you didn’t believe in yourself?

7. Who challenged you in a good way?

8. Who challenged you in a hard way?

9. What friendship do you wish you had kept?

10. What does love mean to you now?

DECK 5 — Historical Times I Lived Through

1. Tell about a world event that changed your daily life.

2. What decade felt most alive to you?

3. What music defined a time in your life?

4. What fashion trend did you love (or hate)?

5. What invention changed everything for you?

6. What moment made history feel personal?

7. What was a time the world felt uncertain?

8. What was a time the world felt full of possibility?

9. What was the biggest cultural shift you witnessed?

10. What advice would you give someone living through big changes today?

DECK 6 — Work, Purpose & Contribution

1. What was your first job?

2. What job taught you the most?

3. What job challenged you?

4. What job brought you joy?

5. What job surprised you?

6. What is something you built or created?

7. Who did you help along the way?

8. What are you proud of?

9. What is something you learned the hard way?

10. What is something you learned with joy?

DECK 7 — Loss, Resilience & Wisdom

1. Tell about a loss that shaped you.

2. What helped you get through a hard time?

3. What did grief teach you?

4. What did starting over look like for you?

5. What is something you forgave yourself for?

6. What is something you wish you had said?

7. What is something you learned too late?

8. What is something you’re still learning?

9. What is a moment you kept going when it was hard?

10. What wisdom would you pass on?

DECK 8 — Questions I Wish I Had Asked

1. What do you wish you had asked your parents?

2. What do you wish you had asked your grandparents?

3. What family mystery do you still wonder about?

4. What story do you wish someone had told you?

5. What do you wish you understood sooner?

6. What question would you ask your younger self?

7. What question would you ask your older self?

8. What question do you hope someone asks you someday?

9. What question do you wish people asked more often?

10. What question still lives in your heart?

    Share Life Skills

    ---

OTHER OPTIONS

Print sheets or cards

PowerPoint Presentation

A workshop activity guide

A version for families or intergenerational gatherings

A version for memory‑care or dementia‑friendly groups

OR YOU COULD JUST DOWNLOAD THE QUETION CARD DECKS

If you are like me, I’m sure you will probably download one or both of the card sheets I made, below. It’s especially useful when you are working with table groups, or when you just want to look at one prompt or activity at a time.

Personally, I find text easier and faster to read, and definitely faster than listening to an audio or video recording. I can read 500 wpm if needed depending on the text and my purpose in reading it. But I’ll slow down to listen to or read real people’s stories.

That’s what this is all about! Have fun. Tell stories.

Oldster Colored Large Type

18KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

Feel free to use and adapt these cards—or create your own—to entertain oldsters!

-30-

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PART 1

HOW TO TELL YOUR STORY YOUR WAY WITH DOZENS OF LITTLE STRATEGIC AI PROMPTS AND MY ADVICE ALONG THE WAY

You can probably see where I’m headed with this now. The more photos and stories others have written about you, the more delicious details you will have for your story.

I highly recommend Denyse Allen’s newsletter about creating instructions and prompts. I’m a trained professional (I’ve been paid for writing, editing, and researching), but if writing scares you, she offers free and paid (for life) classes to help you overcome your fear and start having fun writing your life story.

To help generate what I wanted to write about in order to get started, I created this prompt (I’ve been experimenting with others to assess strengths and weaknesses in helping me do basic factual research on ancestors) for Microsoft CoPilot (my words):

Me: If you have a lot of photos, you will remember my strategy of arranging the pictures into a narrative order, and then freeze-frame each shot and explain what the next chapter (or end) of their lives will be. Now imagine you also have your baby book, or a box or bag of the early days of your life. In it could be your birth information, christening date, baptism date, where you lived, your ancestors and living cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, and grandparents. Even if you are adopted, or it’s your chosen family, it’s all about you—the story of your life. No apologies. In order to complete this storytelling that begins with other people’s observations of you as a baby and/or child, what questions and activities will help unearth the storylines your parents and family created that can help you write your personal narrative/memoir?

Me: CoPilot seems overly eager to please. That’s why I cut out its comment introducing this. I’d rather have an editor chewing on a cigar sneering good ideas at me in a terse way. It saves time. Anway, here is what CoPilot generated for me based on my prompt above:

CoPilot: To help you excavate those storylines, you want questions and activities that don’t just catalog facts but reveal meaning, emotion, and identity. Below is a structured, creative way to unearth the narrative threads your family wove around you. Don’t forget to challenge all of CoPilot’s assumptions, and your needs.

See what I taught it to do? State my needs and challenge assumptions?

I want to stop here and tell you a that a thread or rope, whether it’s straight or full of twists and turns, is a great metaphor for writing a story, and it’s not uniquely my idea. It’s ubiquitous. As a writer, you are always looking for what we call “the throughline.” Or thread. Or rope. Or whatever you want to call it. I mentioned that to CoPilot earlier this week.

Also, I rewrote most of the questions, based on my life experience as a reporter, photographer, and 40 years of teaching high school students Journalism/Communications, Photography, and English.

I realize in hindsight (reflection) that I was a trained non-fiction writer who taught English, and my students learned how to look at all literatures from purposes and perspectives of those of us who create with words: fiction, nonfiction, journalism, drama, poetry….

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Here we go:

LIFE STORY PROMPTS

For people without a baby book—and for anyone raised by extended family, a church, an institution, or a community—or you!

These work whether you grew up with parents, grandparents, foster care, an orphanage, a church community, or a mix of all of them. These prompts help you begin anywhere. You don’t need early photos, baby dates, or official records. You only need what you remember, what you were told, and what you’ve lived.

1. THE THREAD OF MY LIFE:

Identity, continuity, and the long arc of who you’ve become. This is the thread your story will follow.

• Tell a story that shows what has always mattered to you.

• What value have you held onto, even when life changed around you?

• Describe a moment that shifted your direction.

• What pattern do you see in the choices you’ve made over the years?

• What did you care about as a child that still matters today?

• What is something you’ve returned to again and again?

• Tell about a time you surprised yourself.

• What question have you been trying to answer your whole life?

• What do people thank you for?

• What do you hope people remember about you?

2: EARLY LIFE & CHILDHOOD:

What you remember, what you were told, and what shaped you. The key to each of the stories you tell, I learned in journalism school, is to use concrete, selective details to move the action forward—not vague statements or generalizations!

• Tell a story someone told about you from your early years.

• What was your favorite place as a child?

• Describe a childhood friend—or a caretaker—who mattered.

• What rule did you break?

• What made you feel safe?

• What made you feel brave?

• What was your favorite thing to do?

• What is something you learned early?

• What was your first big fear?

• What was your first big triumph?

3: DREAMS, DETOURS, & TURNING POINTS

These are benchmarks, or chronological plot points, that lead the story forward, and eventually to a conclusion of some sort.

• What was a dream you once had?

• What dream did you fulfill?

• What dream did you let go of?

• Tell about a time life surprised you.

• Tell about a time you surprised yourself.

• What was a turning point in your life?

• What was a risk you took?

• What was a risk you didn’t take?

• What was a moment you changed direction?

• What is something you still hope for?

4: LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, & RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships that move your life forward are an integral part of the story. They provide an emotional journey along your timeline to weave together with other elements from these prompts.

• Tell a love story that shaped you.

• Tell about a friend who changed your life.

• Tell about a friend who made you laugh.

• Tell about a goodbye that stayed with you.

• What relationship taught you something important?

• Who believed in you when you didn’t believe in yourself?

• Who challenged you in a good way?

• Who challenged you in a hard way?

• What friendship do you wish you had kept?

• What does love mean to you now?

5: THE TIMELINE OF MY LIFE

The historical context of your life provides the specific setting of your life story. These prompts encourage you to explore the relationship between your story, and how the world around you shapes your story. All the questions from CoPilot originally started with “What” because CoPilot is logical.

I challenge you to tell a story using all of the Five W’s and H in your recollection of where you were, what you were doing, how it made you feel, who you were with or experienced it with, when it happened, and where it happened.

In other words, choose one or two of these subjects to explore further (these were originally all questions you could have answered in one word, while this format allows you to elaborate to your heart’s content):

• a world event that changed your daily life.

• A decade that felt most alive to you.

• Music defined a time in your life.

• A fashion trend.

• An invention that changed everything for you.

• A moment that made history feel personal.

• A time the world felt uncertain.

• A time the world felt full of possibility.

• The biggest cultural shift/shifts you have witnessed.

• Advice would you give someone living through big changes today.

6: WORK, PURPOSE, & CONTRIBUTION

Use selective concrete description to share what you have built, given, learned, and carried forward in what gives meaning to your life. This is not only jobs you were paid for, but volunteer work, family responsibilities, community responsibilities, projects/crafts/art that gives your life purpose, other ways you have contributed your time and effort to.

• First job

• What job taught you the most

• A job that challenged you

• A job brought you joy

• What surprised you the most in your work

• Something you built or created by yourself or with others

• How you were able to help along the way

• Satisfaction in what you’ve done so far in your life

• A story about something you learned the hard way

• What gives you joy that you still do or think of today

7: LOSS, RESILIENCE, & WISDOM

The moments of your life that challenged you are critical knots in your tale of the hard-earned truths and the strength you found that made you into who you are. There are probably a lot of them, so for starters brainstorm a short list and choose a couple to develop further.

• A loss that shaped you

• How yo made it through a hard time

• What grief taught you

• A time when you had to start over

• A time when you had to forgive yourself

• Something you wish you had said to someone, and why

• A lesson you learned too late

• A moment you kept going when the going got tough

• Something you are still learning

• What starting over looked like for you

• Advice or insight you wish someone had told you

• What wisdom you would pass on to others

8: QUESTIONS I WISH I HAD ASKED

Curiosity, longing, and the mysteries that remain are especially powerful for people raised by institutions, extended family, or communities where stories were fragmented or lost. These are not simple questions. Capturing the thought and reconciling them with how you chose to lead your life is the throughline narrative you are looking for. All the better if a part of that narrative has been searching and finding a group that fulfills your needs.

• What do you wish you had asked your parents or caregivers?

• What do you wish you had asked your grandparents or elders?

• What family or institutional mystery do you still wonder about?

• What story do you wish someone had told you?

• What do you wish you understood sooner?

• What question would you ask your younger self?

• What question would you ask your older self?

• What question do you hope someone asks you someday?

• What question do you wish people asked more often?

• What question still lives in your heart?

CoPilot: If you want, I can help you turn your findings into a memoir outline, a chapter draft, or even a narrative arc that connects your early life to your present.

Me: No thanks. I can do it myself.

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PART 2

The narrative hook grabs the reader’s attention and pulls them into the story. The internal and external conflicts drive the story forward to a conclusion through each sentence, paragraph, chapter, and book. It’s a thread.

CoPilot: Wonderful — let’s take the “yes” as your green light to move from concept to creation. Since you’re ready, I’ll give you a structured set of questions + activities that you can use directly with your photos and early‑life artifacts to uncover the storylines your family began writing for you. Think of this as a guided excavation kit for your narrative/memoir.

Find the story thread. Organize it any way you want. Use it to plot your personal narrative or memoir.

Below are six themed sections, each with questions to ask yourself and activities to help you transform raw material into narrative insights. The goal is to weave together all of the knots (elements) that hold the story together.

For simplicity’s sake, choose one of the following unless you already have a preferred narrative style:

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

Chronological-Importance
Spatial-Geographic
 Logical
Cause & Effect
Problem-Solution 

Also consider the most effective tone to use and how it will influence the meaning of your story. You can scan these 42 types of tone for ideas: Funny, historical, dramatic, scholarly. You get the idea! Check out the article.

1. The Story Told Before You Could Speak

Your early stories are essentially your first biography — written by others.

Questions

• What qualities do they highlight most often (gentle, spirited, demanding, observant)?

• What did they seem to celebrate about you?

• What did they worry about?

• What stories did they repeat at family gatherings?

• What do they not mention that you wish they had?

Activities

• Margin reactions: Write your adult commentary next to each entry.

• Trait tracker: List every adjective used to describe you and note how each one shows up later in your life.

• Rewrite the entry: Choose one baby‑book entry and rewrite it from your adult perspective.

2. The World You Were Born Into

Your early environment is part of your story.

Questions

• What was happening in your parents’ lives when you were born?

• What were the family dynamics — alliances, tensions, traditions?

• Who were the key figures in your early life, and what roles did they play?

• If you were adopted or part of a chosen family, what story did they tell about why you were chosen?

Activities

• Emotional family tree: Map not just relationships but emotional currents — warmth, distance, conflict, loyalty.

• Interview circle: Ask relatives for one early memory of you. Compare how their stories align or contradict.

• Context collage: Gather artifacts (photos, letters, objects) that represent the world you entered.

3. Photos as Narrative Clues

Photos freeze a moment, but memoir lives in the before and after. Memoir has two narrators, according to author Scott Nadelson: the narrator living life for the first time, and the older narrator who understands the significance of what happened earlier.

Questions

• What’s happening outside the frame?

• Who took the photo, and why that moment?

• What does your expression reveal — or conceal?

• What patterns do you see across photos (always smiling, always held, always alone, always outdoors)?

Activities

• Caption the truth: Write what was really happening in each photo.

• Sequence a story: Arrange 10–15 photos in a narrative arc — beginning, middle, turning point.

• Future‑casting: For each photo or “snapshot”, write what the “next chapter” of your life became.

4. The Emotional Atmosphere of Your Early Life

This is where meaning begins to take shape.

Questions

• What emotions dominated your early home — joy, chaos, tenderness, unpredictability?

• What did you learn early about love, safety, attention, or independence?

• What were the spoken and unspoken rules?

• What were you praised for? What were you discouraged from?

Activities

• Sensory memory dive: Write about the smells, sounds, textures of your childhood home.

• Firsts list: First fear, first triumph, first secret, first loss.

• Letter to little you: Tell your younger self what you now understand about that world.

5. The Storylines You Inherited

Your memory lives in the tension between the story they wrote and the one you’re writing now.

Questions

• Which early labels stuck with you?

• Which did you outgrow or rebel against?

• What expectations shaped your choices?

• What parts of your identity were inherited, and what parts were self‑created?

Activities

• Two‑column truth:

  • Column 1: “The story they told about me”

  • Column 2: “The story I tell about myself now”

• Theme tracing: Pick one early trait (shy, bold, sensitive) and follow its evolution through your life.

• Contradiction hunt: Identify a family story that doesn’t match your memory and explore the gap.

6. Turning Discovery Into Memory Material

Once you’ve gathered your findings, you can begin shaping them into narrative threads.

Try writing:

• A scene from your early life that you only know through others’ stories

• A reflection on how your family’s version of you shaped your identity

• A moment when you realized their story no longer fit

• A memory that contradicts the “official” family narrative

• A theme that began in childhood and still influences you today

NEXT: STAY TUNED FOR OLDSTERS JUST GETTING STARTED: THE THREADS THAT TIES IT ALL TOGETHER

Next time, we make an Oldster book with a different set of prompts. Find the thread/rope that runs through your life and attach all the little bits that are tied to it on your life journey, or that of another close family member. Dreams dashed, hopes fulfilled, insights into life, advice, family stories yet to be told.

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If you have a lot of photos, you will remember my strategy of arranging the pictures into a narrative order, and then freeze-frame each shot and explain what the next chapter (or end) of their lives will be. I call it the “Fortune Teller” strategy because in a picture frozen in time, they do not know their future yet. If you missed this fun photo story strategy, here is the original article from last year:

That’s my dad staring straight at the camera. It’s a great article if I do say so myself. Let’s turn the page.

Now imagine you also have your baby book—or a box or bag of the early days of your life—that was a chronological record of your first year of life created by other members of your family. In it could be your birth information, christening date, baptism date, where you lived, your ancestors and living cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, and grandparents. It could be observations or recordings of your first year of life, and all the things they hoped and dreamed for you shared in stories, articles, recordings, videos, and/or scrapbooks. Even if you are adopted, or it’s your chosen family, it’s all about you—the story of your life. No apologies.

If you don’t have those, sit down and ask family who have known you the longest for the same information I described above. I have another strategy for that coming soon.

A high school student once told me he knew nothing about his birth parents and didn’t know what he would be good at doing. I told him it was a good thing it didn’t matter, because all he had to do was try everything while he was in high school and as a young adult, and he would know soon enough! If you ask, friends will share what they know about with you if you ask.

My parents had aspirations for me, apparently, as my book is titled “All His Life.” That’s a pretty big ask of a four-month-old. The story of my life in this book goes through high school, college, getting engaged, married, first child, honeymoon, and anniversaries through 50th—Gold. The last page even has a place for closing notes.

So yeah, expectations were high.

As I was gently turning the thick, ivory-colored pages, I once again noticed how much I’ve always loved the aspirational artwork in this book. The opening endsheet captures the theme “All His Life” perfectly, a pastel rendering of boys, boats, plains, teenagers, young men, a gentleman with a pipe and a dog, and a plane. I must have imagined the life laid out for me from cradle-to-grave.

There are plenty of pastel boxes for snapshots in the baby book. I think I now have enough of them to fill all the pages! I also have boxes of letters from my parents, family, and friends, with all sorts of bits of stories that could be used as reflections of what they thought versus what I see happening.

So perhaps it was a bit presumptuous for my parents—and by parents, I mean my mom—to select not a baby book, but the lifetime book. It wasn’t a mistake. She was an accomplished writer, artist, and one of the very first dental assistants in America herself. I’m sure she chose this book because of its “Dental Record” page, and the importance of good dental hygiene. It was meant to be a cradle-to-grave assignment, and I’m only now getting around to it—and what better way to show you how to take the earliest things people said about you and, 72 years later and on our 49th wedding anniversary, provide some perspective!

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PART I: NOTES MY MOM WROTE IN MY “ALL HIS LIFE” BOOK THAT I PULLED OUT TO CREATE THIS STORY.

While I was quite the social butterfly, I couldn’t talk, so my mom put words in my mouth to paint a descriptive words-and-pictures story of my early life. Dad was usually the photographer. After the war, when he started shooting photos, he won a national Kodak award for best picture. Mom was also a great photographer, but taught me the art of it—foreground, midground, background, framing elements.

This is what the actual page looks like, with a cute little poem at the top, and lines screaming “fill me up or you are a horrible parent!” The pinking shears used to create the zig-zag edges of the photos were my mom’s thing.

I selected mom’s comments, written in first person as though it was me talking, that allowed me to have the most fun with comparing and contrasting what the two of us had to say about ME.

In truth, this fun approach is really the Nature v. Nurture debate, which boils down to “a little from column A and a little from column B.”

Just to be clear, when mom is writing, it will have an orange block quote bar on it:

Christmas morning with Mama and Daddy

My response will be in boldface italic type.

Here we go:

12-22-54 (See photo page above)

Robin visited Santa Claus in Capwells window on Dec. 22, 1954. Daddy waited in line 40 minutes! Robin was delighted with the other children in the line. He sat on Santa’s lap and was very pleased--smiled at him and his helpers. Christmas Eve dinner at the grandparents’ McElrath home. Santa visited again. Robin tried to pull whiskers off! Xmas morning Rob was thrilled with gifts. Petted, patted, and banged each toy in turn.

Named after his father, nicknamed “Robin” [Mom added “red breast” for my reddish blond/brown hair]

Comment: I was a people person from the time I was 10 months old! See photo above.

Wore lovely Christening dress from Smilie family. 105 years old. [177 years old today and hanging on my cousin’s wall in a hermetically sealed glass frame.] Robin was very well behaved. Talked a bit during service.

I liked to talk a lot! That’s nothing new!

3rd generation to be baptized in 1st Presbyterian Church, Oakland—Baptized October 10, 1954, First Presbyterian Church, Oakland, California, Dr. T Franklyn Hudson (no godmother, godfather listed)

Present: Grandmother and grandfather McElrath, Aunt Mary and Uncle Bill Corlett, Aunt Marianne and Uncle David Melton, Aunt Marion Jr., Cousins Cameron & Amanda Corlett and Alden McElrath III, great Aunt Ann and great uncle Warren Myers.

I’ve always felt the native spirit within me!

On August 2, 1954, I visited my grandparents, the Meltons, in Coronado. Mama and Daddy took me on my first merry-go-round. I couldn’t quite figure it out, but I didn’t cry! (San Diego 1954)

I love being social and it started with family! And I’m curious!

My mom in her own voice: “He loves school. I take him in car at 9 a.m. and he comes home on bus at 11:30.”

When school is good, it’s very very good, and when it’s bad it’s horrid! Kindergarten was great, though.

Celebrated my 1st birthday on Feb. 2nd with all my local cousins + Aunts and Uncles. Attending were Cam & Mandy Corlett, Buddy & Lisa McElrath, Dave & Marianne Melton. I had loads of fun—received lovely gifts—cake & ice cream & all the trimmings.

I just love parties, & had the time of my life!

Love to party!

For a present my Daddy had a friend, Fred Fogg, give me my first [bad] haircut. Mama hated to see my lovely curls go--but’today I am a man!

Still have those curls! Still have some red in my beard!

Polio inoculations: 1/9/56, 2/16/56, 3/2/57; Whooping cough inoculations: 5/18/54, also 6/18/54 \& 7/16/54; Tetanus boosters.

“Didn’t cry over his shots. Very good boy.” —Seymour Dudley, M.D.

No fear! Now also have two titanium knees, two lens implants, a surgery or two, and no opioids!

2nd through 4th birthdays, lived in McFarland, Calif.

5th birthday 1959, 971 Clausing Av., Novato, Calif.

6th birthday 1960, 706 Bradley Ave., Novato, Calif.

8th birthday 1962, 4045 Thornton, Fremont, Calif. (now a Midas Muffler and oil change shop)

10th through 14th birthdays, Vernal Ave., Fremont, Calif.

15th-18th birthdays, Cloverdale, Calif., three houses in three years

And we camped every summer up and down the West Coast

I am a happy wanderer, as the song goes! The wanderlust is strong. Wherever I go, there I am. I collect friends and family everywhere I go, and I love to travel.

First learned to swim with head under water Sept. ‘59 (went on to competitive swimming in Fremont in freestyle and butterfly through eighth grade)

High School: Football (1 yr), Track (distance/relay/league), Tennis (state)

I am an athlete like my dad!

The best thing about the book? I didn’t inherit my baby book until I married Lovely Lady, and then with darlings of our own and the constant hustle to put food on the table, it ended up on the back of the shelf.

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PART 2: MY REACTIONS=THE SNEAKY OUTLINE I JUST CREATED

Just to be clear, I chose the quotes I wanted to respond to. I responded to them. I always have 3-5 words that help me get started developing a story or project:

3-5 personality words for this piece—humorous, unexpected, epiphanies and insights with a finish of awareness and acceptance.

I bet you didn’t see that coming, but that’s how this piece will be written—the first draft, that is. That was easy!

THE OUTLINE

1. I was a people person from the time I was 10 months old!

2. I liked to talk a lot! That’s nothing new!

3. I’ve always felt the native spirit within me!

4. I love being social and it started with family! And I’m curious!

5. When school is good, it’s very very good, and when it’s bad it’s horrid! Kindergarten was great, though.

6. Love to party!

7. Still have manly curls! Still have some red in my beard!

8. No fear! Now also have two titanium knees, two lens implants, a surgery or two, and no opioids!

9. I am a happy wanderer, as the song goes! The wanderlust is strong. Wherever I go, there I am. I enjoy friends and family everywhere I go, and I love to travel.

10. I am an athlete like my dad!

(Not necessarily in this exact order.)

PART 3: WRITE FIRST DRAFT

I’ll turn this into a first draft and share it in a future post. In the meantime, start your own. Don’t have a baby book or artifacts? No problem. See below.

TOMORROW: DON’T HAVE A BABY BOOK? NO PROBLEM! USE A PROMPT! HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR OWN Q&A STRATEGIES.

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“I spent eight years working to address the disenfranchising nature of that name,” she said recently. “Unfortunately, the [city’s] article included inaccurate information and omitted key context about the work that led to the change.”

Dixon even circulated a Change.org petition, “Rename Custer Park in SW Portland to Beatrice Morrow Cannady Park - United States,” in the neighborhood.

Beatrice Morrow Cannady (1889–1974) Oregon Historical Society

“Throughout those years, I invested my time, personal resources, and significant volunteer labor to move this effort forward,” Dixon said. “That work included organizing a petition, leading a protest, creating a mural, and navigating a police call connected to the art and my advocacy. None of that history was reflected … which was disappointing given how central those efforts were to the process.”

The goal, Dixon says, has always been, “to make SW Portland more equitable.”

Contact us with additional information, provide your thoughts in Comments, and Follow or Subscribe for free for updates.

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PREVIOUS STORY:

Link to previous story about new name of Custer Park.

https://www.portland.gov/parks/scht-wiwnu-park

We take the grandchildren to Custer Park regularly. It’s one of the many fine parks nearby our house in Southwest Portland. Then one day six years ago, the sign suddenly read “A Park.”

I am not kidding.

Shortly after that, people kept inserting “A ‘F--king’ Park,” and eventually someone painted it all black. Then we just called it a Park. Now it’s been renamed “Scht Wiwnu Park.”

Click on the city’s video below to hear how it is pronounced:

(How to pronounce ‘Scht Wiwnu (path of the huckleberries) Park!)

I can assure you as a retired PPS high school teacher there will be a lot of giggling and repeating of the sound children and others will hear and aren’t supposed to say, as well as ignorance of the sound that is pronounced but not phonated in a way English speakers read and understand.

My wife just sent the city’s link to a college friend of ours who also lives nearby in Multnomah who said, “Ha! Google pronounced it as ‘shit’ for the first syllable. I can see a new nickname for its future.”

No prompting was necessary.

Not only does it have the “sh-t” sound in it, it also has the “ell” sound that isn’t represented.

(Listen to the video again.)

I’m now worried the park will be called, informally, “Sh--ty Park” for lack of a better way to read and pronounce it.

How did we get here?

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On her way out the door Parks Commissioner Amanda Fritz unnamed Custer Park. (You can verify this in the parks memo.) Not coincidently, across the street from the park is Custer Street.

Fritz changed it “temporarily” to “A Park” six years ago without consulting the neighborhood or proposing to change the street name. If we’ve learned anything from San Francisco, it’s this—you should have a replacement name developed by the community before unnaming anything.

After six long years of informal names for the park, a committee has finally decided on a name.

According to the city’s post:

The park’s new name means “path of the huckleberry” and comes from the Ichishkin Sńwit language. Ichishkin Sńwit is spoken by Native American tribes from the Columbia River area, including the Nez Perce, Umatilla, Warm Springs, and Yakama tribes. ‘Scht Wiwnu Park includes a Portland Parks & Recreation nature patch that contains a path planted with native huckleberries, an important First Food (traditional food) for local tribes. 

Additionally, the land acknowledgement statement from the Portland Parks Foundation states:

The Portland Metro area rests on traditional village sites of the Multnomah, Wasco, Cowlitz, Kathlamet, Clackamas, Bands of Chinook, Tualatin, Kalapuya, Molalla, and many other tribes who made their homes along the Columbia River. Indigenous people have created communities and summer encampments to harvest and enjoy the plentiful natural resources of the area for the last 11,000 years.

Now, I also know the land acknowledgements for this area in which I live, and the park name may not come from the native languages of this specific area. Only one of the tribes mentioned directly above inhabited this area.

The correct tribal information for this area is from Native Land Digital, which lists the following as associated with this area: Stl’pulmsh (Cowlitz), Kalapuya, Confederated Tribes of Siletz Indians, Confederated Tribes of Grand Ronde, Cayuse, Umatilla and Walla Walla.

Furthermore, the native languages spoken by these tribes include:

Stl’pulmsh (Cowlitz): This language is part of the Salishan language family and was spoken by the Lower Cowlitz people in Washington state.

Kalapuya: This language is also part of the Athabaskan language family and was spoken by the Confederated Tribes of Siletz Indians.

Confederated Tribes of Siletz Indians: This confederation speaks at least 11 distinct languages, including Kalapuya and Siletz Dee-ni, which is an Athabaskan language.

Confederated Tribes of Grand Ronde, Cayuse, Umatilla, and Walla Walla: These tribes do not specifically mention any language in the provided results, but they are part of the broader Native American linguistic landscape of the Pacific Northwest.

Microsoft Bing search: “What native language do these tribes speak: Stl’pulmsh (Cowlitz), Kalapuya, Confederated Tribes of Siletz Indians, Confederated Tribes of Grand Ronde, Cayuse, Umatilla and Walla Walla.”

I researched my neighborhood when land acknowledgements were new. They were digitally mapped more than a decade ago. I’ve even written a history of my house. At the very least, the city needs to update its web pages and facts.

My heritage is not with the tribes identified, but my great-great-grandmother was an Eastern Cherokee, poet laureate of the Cherokee Nation, who was driven off her people’s land. It didn’t help that Eastern Cherokees fought for the South in the Civil War because of the wars fought against their people in the North before that. I even wrote a book about it. A college professor, Stuart Marshall, helped me with background research about my family, and I provided unpublished stories and photographs in return.

I get what happened, and believe acknowledging our history is important going forward. My concern about this naming issue is not about that. We need a “common” name most people, including children, can read and pronounce.

The parks announcement also posted the 21-page spreadsheet of recommendations for names. One of the other recommendations was the name “Huckleberry Park” which, considering everything I covered above, is an acceptable compromise as an “informal” name for the park.

I hope they include a translation of the name on the new sign. Perhaps the city could even include a sign identifying the Huckleberry Park path, and a historical sign detailing the correct tribes that inhabited this area, and their respective languages.

That’s not asking too much, is it?

Join me in referring to it informally as Huckleberry Park, won’t you? And feel free to pronouce the native name—if you dare!

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A prized Portland park gets a new name - oregonlive.com

https://www.portland.gov/parks/scht-wiwnu-park

A Park and Wilson Outdoor Pool Renaming | Portland.gov

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Two of the grandchildren were named Students of the Month for their class yesterday. They put in the Effort, which was one of the themes of the assembly we attended.

Another theme was Women’s History, and yet another fun segment featured student reporters interviewing students with interesting hobbies. One produces zines, and another is a basketball player.

The Tualatin River National Wildlife Refuge was open, with its restful, peaceful colors and sounds.

Ordinarily the yard does not look so colorful this early. Some plants such as the lavender don’t bloom this time of year at all, but the plants usually know what’s up and respond accordingly. It’s been wet enough that I haven’t been able to do much.

There is still much raking to be done. I did prune the rose bushes just before Presidents Day, the Portland guideline for pruning roses that won’t appear until June. The advice for Idaho (if you are not from this part of the country) is to do it in the fall or the harsh winds will pull the plants out of the ground and blow them away like yesterday’s tumbleweeds.

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The grandchildren were visiting over the weekend, and the six-year-old was busy running up a steep street that dead-ends at the top of the hill—not once, but five times.

Naturally, my job was to supervise the outdoor play while the artists were crafting inside the house. The truth is all the grandchildren enjoy the great outdoors; it’s the Pacific Northwest, after all.

The first three times, he would run up the hill, then down the hill, and sit on a rock to catch his breath. (The grass and soil is too wet this time of year to lay on it.) The fourth time, I filmed him running down the hill to show him something I noticed every time he ended his run at the bottom of the street. Did you see it?

I played the video and asked him what he saw. He studied it, but wasn’t sure where I was going with it.

“You are smiling at the very end. You smile every time you finish your run, even though you have to rest for a minute. You love running. It runs in the family. It makes you happy. Remember that.”

He laughed. He ran one more time. Athletes run in the family.

I started swimming in elementary school at The Highlands Swim Club, where I learned to complete in freestyle and butterfly. The coach used to run trials to see who would race in the weekend meets, and I knew I could beat anyone on the team. One time I just wasn’t motivated to go all out and I didn’t get my favorite lane.

In a “real” competitive race, something I didn’t understand back then was that competitive instinct when you know what you do next counts. I couldn’t do it if it wasn’t real. That day the coach taught me that lesson.

I eventually went to a country club where I had an Olympic swim coach school me in how to win competitive butterfly races in the Bay Area. I owned that race until my dad, an administrator in the Fremont school district, accepted a job as principal of the high school in Cloverdale, California.

That was the end of my swimming career, and the beginning of my track and tennis career. (It was a small-town high school with 389 students.) Oh, I was a lifeguard for a couple of summers before pivoting to tennis and track. My legs aren’t as long as some of the other runners, but I owned the distance races.

Then my brother and I and my sisters learned how to play competitive tennis from my dad. (One of my sisters is a nationally ranked tennis player.) Dad was an all-around high school and college athlete. (I will defer to my brother’s corrections as I left for Oregon at age 19.) Dad played baseball, handball, basketball, tennis. But first and foremost in my mind, he was a great coach.

His first coaching job in high school was the baseball team in Novato, when my brother and I were little guys. Before every home game, we used to wear our beanies and run around all the bases while everyone cheered for the Hornets.

Later, we learned he was an amazing coach. He’d show us the one thing we needed to know in that moment with as few words as possible. What he really did was to share the one important thing from which everything else would flow. It was uncanny.

My brother and I made it all the way to the quarterfinals match in the California state tennis tournament. We owned the championship in our league in tennis with my dad at the helm. I excelled at the long distance track races and relays.

I learned many years later that I had that same gift, just in different subjects. Journalism, photography, leadership. I still love camping, hiking, beachcombing, oceans, rivers, volcanoes…. In fact, if you don’t get out of the city in the PNW, you are missing the best part. But tennis in an indoor court in the PNW? Not my cup of tea.

And of course you already know about my dad. He was the catcher on the U.C. Berkeley Cal Bears baseball team that won the first NCAA national baseball championship. He was also a great dad, social studies teacher, vice-principal, assistant superintendent, principal, and always a coach. He loved to golf, too.

Dad’s family definitely had some Irish ancestry, the Reily-with-one-L line who apparently turned up their noses at the Reillys with two L’s? It was pretty clear from my mom’s side of the family that we were NEVER to wear green or partake in the pinching or outrageous behavior of the day. Period. Choosing sides is always fraught with risk.

Grandfather Melton was actually a Wilkins whose line goes all the way back to my 17th great-grandfather in 1300 in Wales, while my Grandmother Melton is a Reily on her father’s side and goes back to my 8th great-grandfather in 1679. The rest of the Irish ancestry has been notoriously difficult to research, document, and piece together. (Tips in comments appreciated.)

When dad and mom traveled across the country, three times, in their camper, he would play golf and she would read books. She was also a great artist. She studied fashion design after high school, and could draw the most amazing high-fashion women’s outfits. She had also studied photo composition and taught me how to improve my shots.

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I don’t know if my siblings were taught those skills, too, but if she noticed something you were good at doing she would jump in and show you the tricks of how to do it better. I have written previously about her teaching all of us to write, dutifully pounding the now-scratched and dented dining room table that sits in our daughter’s dining room.

When I was a teenager my grandfather Alden showed me how to keep the bamboo under control in the small back yard with pond filled with goldfish, a magnolia tree, and other exotic tropical plants inspired by their trips to Hawaii before it was a state.

He also taught me self-defense, based on his work at the Oakland Juvenile Delinquent Hall. He and his brother Clifford when they were younger were hired to police the Sunday “baseball games” in the park, also known as “the riots.” I only learned about this reading On Santa Cruz Island, a published book Clifford wrote. It was used for decades in environmental studies college classes, but it’s also the most fun book to read. Writing really does run in the family. Grandpa also became a Mason like his father.

I would be remiss not to mention our grandmother, who trained us Melton children (and to a lesser extent our six cousins) how to drink tea properly, behave like respectable young ladies and gentlemen, and carry on a polite conversation. She was also a whiz in the kitchen, although by the time I was old enough to notice my grandfather was cooking hash, a Scottish favorite. She seemed to be delighted with him treating her like the lady of the house.

She would admonish us, okay me, when I would put too much jam on my bread. I realized it took many hours to create the jams and jellies that were to last for the entire year, until the next season. Most of the produce came from her family’s Fresno farm.

That included all the ingredients for the famous Scottish plum pudding at Christmas, which would serve 40 people. It was so rich you only needed a few bites to be completely satisfied—or disgusted, depending upon how you feel about Scottish food.

My grandfather was a turn-around artist. When he and I went shopping in Piedmont Grocery down the hill from the house on Oakland Avenue, men would walk right up to him with me at his side and say things like, “Mac, you saved my life” (his nickname). You don’t ever forget moments like that. At least I don’t.

Find the fun in what you do, the thing you want the most in life, and how to find the path to that place—the one you will enjoy every day for the rest of your life if you could.

And it all starts with that smile, the joy of doing what you love. And never forgetting that as long as you live.

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A few years ago I discovered my great-great-grandfather Hugh McDowell McElrath traveled 2,000 miles from New York City to Provo, Utah, to collect a longstanding $37,000 debt from the over-extended Utah mercantile firm Hooper and Williams on behalf of his employer in New York City.

And the meeting he had with Governor Brigham Young in Salt Lake City. And the coded message.

But let’s start at the beginning of this short story. (Tap links to learn more about the history and people in this story.)

After Joseph Smith was assassinated in Carthage, Illinois, in 1844, Young became the second leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) from 1847 until his death in 1877. Brigham Young also was the first territorial governor and then governor from 1851 until he resigned in 1858.

After the “Mormon and Gentile War” from 1857-1858, McElrath would end up as the courier of a letter from Young to his colleague Thomas L. Kane, an advisor and philanthropist whose identity was to be kept a secret.

I know this story thanks to two Utah history researchers who contacted me to ask permission to use a photograph of Hugh McDowell McElrath, the one posted on Hugh’s familysearch.org memories page (above). The Alford and Mackinnon article was published in Utah Historical Quarterly a few years ago now. (Sources and links below.)

By the time McElrath arrived in Salt Lake City on June 26, it was empty. Alford and Mackinnon believe it is likely he traveled part of the way protected by the federal government’s Utah Expedition, and the Mormons had already moved south.

Unable to collect the loan directly from Captain William H. Hooper when McElrath confronted him, McElrath borrowed Hooper’s carriage and, with a letter of introduction in hand (much as Hugh’s wife Elizabeth had presented to President Lincoln), he decided to take up the matter with the Governor of Utah, Brigham Young, in Provo, Utah, headquarters for the Move South.

After waiting for some time in the prophet’s office, he met Brigham Young, Esq.

According to the reporter’s newspaper article about the meeting from the New York Herald reported in 1858, after interviewing McElrath about his meeting with Young while he was in Salt Lake City:

“He was very courteous, gentlemanly and interesting in conversation. He was honorable in regard to the business upon which Mr. McElrath called upon him. Finally, the President invited the gentleman from New York to walk up to [Sunday morning] meeting with him. When there the latter gave the former a seat [of honor] upon the preacher’s stand.”

The Herald was known for aggressively reporting on the Utah War. The original 1858 article is on microfilm in the Library of Congress. During this time, the Utah War was still front‑page news, Brigham Young’s communications were under scrutiny, and couriers arriving from Utah were routinely reported in Eastern newspapers.

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Young had no direct business related to this debt from Hooper, but when he heard that McElrath was visiting as a representative of the New York mercantile firm of Robinson, Hudson and Pulliam, Young found in him a trusted non-Mormon to serve as courier for a coded letter he needed to send to his advisor Thomas L. Kane.

Whatever the discussions they had in Provo, according to authors Alford and Mackinnon, McElrath received payment of the entire $37,000 debt in gold coin (worth roughly $12,718,342 today according to measuringworth.com), a satisfactory resolution for everyone.

McElrath settled the debt, and owing a favor to Young, agreed to serve as courier a month later in August. Young, knowing the letters might be intercepted and read by the U.S. Mail, trusted McElrath to deliver the two confidential letters to one of Young’s most trusted advisers.

One letter was coded while the other was not, according to Alford and Mackinnon in their article “Communicating in code: Brigham Young, Thomas L. Kane, and the ‘lost’ Utah War message of July 1858.”

As McElrath prepared to leave on a horse-drawn mail coach, Young’s clerk finalized the message Young had dictated for Kane. When McElrath tried to deliver the two coded documents to Kane in Philadelphia in early September 1858, the Kanes were spending the summer in Elk County, Pennsylvania.

Thomas Kane had a new job with his family’s company, and when McElrath ended up in Philadelphia to deliver the letters, he dropped them in the U.S. Mail. The letters arrived on September 24, 1858, and eventually ended up in New York, to be discovered 163 years later.

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McElrath returned to New York two years before the Civil War started. Tennessee did not secede to join the Confederacy until July 1, 1861, while the McElrath family lived in New York City until they were ostracized by their New York friends after the Civil War began, based on the poem “Friendship” by his wife Elizabeth Lowrey Morgan.

McElrath’s first-hand view of the on-the-ground war the federal government was waging in Utah may have influenced later decisions when Tennessee entered the Civil War in 1861 and he became the Tennessee Quartermaster—a key logistical officer responsible for ensuring that the army had the supplies, equipment, and services it needed to operate effectively.

Hugh McDowell McElrath and family returned to Knoxville, Tennessee, respected members of the Presbyterian church he and his family attended in Eastern Tennessee, after working in New York City and frequently traveling to North Carolina and other nearby states. He was also a lawyer who processed thousands of slave contracts without names for clients, but listed by name all of the family’s household servants.

Eventually the coded letter was discovered and scholars joined with international coding experts to finally unlock the code to reveal the contents of the letter, which is a fascinating story unto itself.

We know the McElraths’ wealth held was $285,000 before the Civil War, which would be worth about $109.5 million dollars today, according to measuringworth.com. When Tennessee joined the South, the McElraths converted all their wealth into Confederate currency and only had $5,000 in U.S. dollars to their name by the time the war was over. Still, today, that would be worth about $1.9 million.

This sketch of Hugh establishes that the McElraths were living in New York City as late as 1858, and that Hugh traveled on business extensively and regularly. This discovery by these Utah researchers was the first the family had ever heard of Hugh’s travel as far West as Utah.

This is one of the few stories in which we also get a glimpse of Hugh’s trustworthy, strong, determined, patient, business-like demeanor who surrounded his family—girls included—with classic books, artwork, the finest education available (his son attended Harvard for one year) and the finest linens and clothing (from Elizabeth’s list of items the soldiers of the North stole from her), among other things.

Sources

Alford, Kenneth L., and William P. MacKinnon. “Communicating in Code: Brigham Young, Thomas L. Kane, and the ‘Lost’ Utah War Message of July 1858.” Utah Historical Quarterly, vol. 89, no. 4, 2021, pp. 305–322.

Melton, Rob. Poems, Stories, and Letters of a Cherokee Rebel Mother by Elizabeth Lowrey Morgan. 2025.

https://www.familysearch.org/en/tree/person/memories/KLBZ-3RK

https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/7658935/hugh_mcdowell-mcelrath

https://www.wikitree.com/wiki/McElrath-101

https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/history/utah-war-1857-1858

https://www.familysearch.org/en/tree/person/memories/KCRP-H5R

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There are many ways to break through the walls to find information about your ancestors. These are the ones I use most often:

1. Most breakthroughs came from tracing the women, as the male lines are pretty well documented because of the way our culture follows the male lines of family names. From a research perspective, every female is someone’s mother, sister, wife, or daughter (and every male is someone’s father, brother, husband, and son).

The women in my extended family line were strong, outspoken, smart, and clever like a fox. My great-grandfather’s genealogy includes the histories of all our great American family members. The women’s families were just as prominent as the men’s. I realized immediately the elegance of what he had done.

It makes researching census and church records more strategic: You are questioning everything, as it could be a clue in your quest for information about the people you are researching. There was plenty of work to be done either way gathering the facts of their lives, where they lived, and the times in which they lived.

2. Build entire families rather than just direct ancestors. Using this strategy I discovered those ancestors who were the storytellers and keepers of records. I’ve known many people who struggled trying to track down just the two parents, working from present to past.

As I review family records and stories, I understand that not every ancestor is a family historian or genealogy guru (although now it is easier than ever). As you study the entire family tree, though, you might just discover who it is, by building out the entire family. Using this technique helped me find the people from the past who had this information. My grandfather’s sister, for example, was the family historian. Her father had passed it down to us.

3. Know your geography and history. Spelling of names wasn’t as precise back then as it is now. You might find census takers who recorded names phonetically, or the way it sounded to them—a real problem if you didn’t understand a local dialect.

If you run across two records with similar names, however, and one was born in Massachusetts and the other in Tennessee, and other records show a parent or that person living in Tennessee, then you should go with the birth record for the person who lived in Tennessee. I just spotted one of these today.

People moved in somewhat predictable ways to the south and west, or they followed their husbands or wives or work, or were ejected from their lands as the Cherokee were. History tells us where they landed. Often, ancestors were part of great migrations, and for all sorts of reasons. Creating a migration map of your ancestors’ places of birth and death over several generations can reveal their journey.

Trust your gut if it doesn’t add up! Put your BS (Bad Statements) Detector on high alert. I developed mine as a journalist. Challenge people and sources. Use a search engine to pose challenges to questions you have. Make a migration map of where your ancestors were born and died. You will see the pattern and can evaluate your sources from that perspective. Errors are only now being corrected as we have more data to examine online. I’ve spent hours correcting other people’s mistakes on familysearch.org, consulting records, relationships, and stories. Out of all that work, stories emerge. Family history gold!

4. Sometimes family names are hiding in plain sight. They are clues. Follow them. For example, in Western societies, it is common to give a son or daughter a the middle name of an ancestor. It’s a clue. That’s how I discovered my wife’s Mayflower ancestor. The same strategy was deployed by family for generations. If you see the name Priscilla in a family line, it may lead to a Mayflower ancestor. It’s a clue.

When my spouse found her father’s birth parents, as I scanned the ancestors I picked up on references to Mayflower names. My line was Alden up to my great-grandfather, but my partner’s Alden line consists almost entirely of women with first or middle names that were clues.

(Yes, we’re cousins! She is my 8th cousin twice removed. According to DNA research, every human now living is related to the same mitochondrial Adam and Eve.)

5. Sometimes you have to do a little sorting. The further back you go, the more common it is for people to have two or three spouses. There were children to raise, food to be grown, cows to be milked, harvest, canning, building homes, horses to be trained, wagons to be built. Especially with married women, first names are the best clue, as their last names change over time. Here’s an example:

• In Susan Hopkins Bailiff’s case, she first married Henry H. Young, and is listed in the census as Susan H. Young.

• After he died, leaving her with three children, she immediately married Calvin Nance Melton who had two older children and, in addition to her three children, they had seven more children and her name changed to Susana H. Melton.

• When she died, Calvin Nance Melton had his hands full (the children were 1, 4, 6, 8,11, 13, and 15) for four years before he married Elizabeth Scott, his third wife — two Elizabeth Meltons. (He and Elizabeth also raised Minnie’s child Calvin Nance Melton, aka Calvin Guy Wilkins, when she married Earnest W. Welborn.)

• In case you were wondering, Calvin met his first wife Francis Elizabeth Johnson, and they had two children, Sarah A. Melton and Isaac Foster Melton (could it be a hint?), whom he also cared for, according to census records. After the Civil War the yours/mine/ours family moved from Alabama to Missouri, Texas, and eventually Oklahoma.

See how I made a story out of a few facts?

6. The closer the date of a document is to the living person, generally the more accurate it is. Some people on group trees such as wikitree.com or familysearch.com will undo generations of record-keeping because there is no “hard evidence,” especially difficult to come by in an oral culture such as Cherokees.

7. Sometimes what you learn gives rise to intriguing questions. Searching for answers sometimes reveals surprising insights and answers. Why did some of the natives of New England side with England and not the settlers? Why did some of the Cherokees fight for the South and not the North? Why did other Cherokees own slaves? Why did some of our early ancestors who fought the natives, then intermarry? This is a good sign, when you start to ask questions like this.

8. Discover the tangible relics of your ancestors for clues to their stories—the bibles, trophies, plaques, books, medals, rings, diplomas, certificates, heirlooms, anything you can get your hands on. Then research them.

I inherited my grandfather’s racing trophy, listened to his stories and my mom’s stories, then found articles about my grandfather’s early days of racing cars in the California Digital Newspapers Collection. He eventually became one of the first car salesmen, and then one of the first used-car salesmen, before managing his parents’ estate and working his way up the Oakland Juvenile Detention center. He was a social media star of his day in the local papers.

9. To break through a brick wall, it took me 20 years to be sure that my original research about my paternal grandfather obtained through census records was correct. A DNA test connected me to second a cousin who was also looking for information, and provided facts and stories that proved it. She told me his nickname was “Guy” which was my grandfather’s original middle name. Well, she actually shared more than that in a note, confirming everything my research had uncovered:

“Guy Wilkins died when my grandmother was only 18 months old...Dec. 26 1917. My Great Grandmother, Myrtle Letha Wilson, moved back to Oklahoma. Myrtle was raised by her grandparents, She went by their surname, Wilson. I only knew Stillman by the name “Guy” until after my grandmother’s death and I started searching for information about him because I never heard anything other than they were in Kansas. My mother told me that Grandma Ford corresponded with some of her half sisters. But the letters that she saved were somehow lost after my Grandpa Ford married again and moved from the home he had built with my grandma. I have searched and, hopefully, have traced Guy’s family back to Wales. I really don’t know much more about him. Bray Wilkins, 1610-1702, was quite a notable character. I am pretty sure he was our first Wilkins in the United States. Landing in Massachusetts in 1630’s.” —ggranddaughter Lorene Wilkins

I looked at maps and discovered that despite the fact they lived in different states, they were only about 30 miles away. Create timelines, migration maps, network with other familysearch.org researchers on your family tree lines and talk or write about what you know. That’s how I not only discovered a DNA ancestor but how I became sure of my grandfather Melton’s birth name and father.

10. Do the deep dive into history—Sometimes the detailed information is in history books, and sometimes it is new or reframed more accurately. Let’s look at the Mayflower passengers, who are often discussed as a group to focus on their common experiences.

Here are the narrative facts:

The Pilgrims were the original refugees to America. They were the first immigrants to come to America fleeing persecution—and their spirit of gratitude is an obligation that has extended throughout the generations.

People tend to group all the passengers on the Mayflower as one group, when in fact there were four groups: The Separatists seeking religious freedom, the Non-Separatist families and individuals recruited by London merchants who expected to land close to Boston before the ship was blown off-course, Indentured Servants, and Contracted Mayflower Sailors who agreed to stay a year in New Plymouth. This was confirmed at Plimoth Plantation when we visited last September with cousins.

I like the way familysearch.org breaks it down and offers a detailed discussion of each group on their Mayflower blog page: https://www.familysearch.org/en/blog/mayflower-passenger-list

Then there is a poster I like which shows the risk the passengers were willing to take, especially those who wanted to escape religious persecution. This chart represents the people who were on the Mayflower, and how many of them from all four groups survived a year later:
https://i0.wp.com/behindeveryday.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/mayflower-passengers.jpg

It’s also perplexing how the Mayflower group received all the attention, since there were already colonies established, except for one detail: They were refugees. It’s a continuous thread that weaves itself into the American experience.
https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-pilgrims-were-the-original-refugees

Our ancestors John Alden and Priscilla Mullins were therefore not one of the 35 Separatists aboard the Mayflower. He was a cooper, no known family that’s ever been discovered in England, and she was the daughter of a businessman who sold shoes. John stayed, even though he could have sailed back to England. He was young, and likely had his eye on a young woman.

Of the eligible men, all of whom were several decades older than John, who survived that first winter, Priscilla—one of only four women who survived the first winter —chose John Alden, the crew’s hunky barrel maker, and married him. They had 10 children and quickly moved out of Plymouth to Duxbury to start their own farm on better soil.

And until three generations ago, it was pretty easy to follow that line because the last name of the men was still Alden. My wife’s John and Priscilla line took a little more sleuthing to uncover.

These techniques helped discover my family who are direct ancestors of multiple historical American figures:

• Tennessee’s first governor and Indian fighter John Sevier, and his son’s Cherokee wife Elizabeth Lowry.

• New England preachers, including 8X great-grandfather Timothy Edwards, the father of Jonathan “Sins In The Hands of An Angry God” Edwards and brother to my 7x great-grandmother—a reading which I taught in my high school American Literature class. (The textbook author failed to interpret this famous speech correctly.)

  • According to an excellent biography by Jeffrey Waddington: “Truth be told, Edwards preached just as much, if not more frequently, on the anticipated joys of heaven as he did the fears of hell. Edwards did not preach such somber sermons merely to scare his hearers, but to warn them of the very real dangers facing them and calling them to flee to Christ.”

The real discoveries are made on the female lines of the family—and help build out the entire families—which at the very least connect you to tens of thousands of other cousins like mine, standing at 57,164 the last time I checked, at the annual familysearch.org RootsTech 2026 genealogy convention!

Sign in to Rootstech today and choose a live or video recording of a session that will help you up your game. If you register, you can spend the next few months studying them.

See you at RootsTech 2026! Say hi in Chat!

Rob Melton

16 March 2026

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www.archives.gov/riverside/how-to-begin-genealogical-research The best kind of research is based on hard facts, collected close to the date of key life events — census records, birth, marriage, children, death, military records, libraries and archives, their own writings, family bibles — and are considered the most accurate.

www.archives.gov/research/census

www.familysearch.org Excellent place to start your family history research. It’s free, and many people volunteer their time to make it a better, more accurate tree. Sometimes, though, there are mistakes you may have to correct.

www.ancestry.com Once you get started, you may want to build your own tree on Ancestry. The downside is that it will cost you a lot of money, and once you stop paying you will lose access to all your work. Better to copy sources over at familysearch.org. If you make a mistake, you may not discover it unless you share your tree with others. When you share your tree, mistakes are perpetuated every time someone copies your information into their tree. Yes, you’ll find my tree on Ancestry, but I’ve been busy verifying the facts and learning how to rationally make those difficult calls. Bottom line: If you don’t know, don’t make it up!

Other genealogy sites and Substacks I follow:

Genealogy Matters

Shining a light on the best online genealogy blogs and newsletters. If you're looking for great writing, meaningful content and podcasts that are all about genealogy, family history and memoirs, GenStack brings it all right to your inbox.

By Robin Stewart

Rootsquad Roundup

A Texas librarian rounding up genealogy fun stuff to further your family history research and help you create a storysharing legacy.

By Kyla Bayang

Projectkin

As a community, we capture, preserve, and share our stories in every conceivable form. We inspire and encourage one another in posts, events, and conversations.

By Barbara at Projectkin

WikiTree: The Free Family Tree

Family History Hound Notebook | Substack

Oakland - LocalWiki

Amazing sunsets and clear skies, harsh light, or clouds all make for interesting photos documenting the Northwest adage “Wait five minutes and the weather will change.”

As a photojournalist and teacher to journalism students, I subscribe to the Henri Cartier-Bresson’s photographic philosophy of capturing The Decisive Moment, or street photography. Your first 10,000 photographs are the worst, he said. His approach encapsulates the precise instant when all the elements within the frame come together in perfect harmony.

Anticipation is the key.

For Cartier-Bresson, it was the moment “when the visual and emotional elements of reality captured in the photograph align in perfect synchrony.” It’s the split second when the story, composition, and emotion culminate into a singular, powerful image.

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He went on to establish Magnum Photos, and while I’m no Henri Cartier-Bresson, I do enjoy anticipating that moment and snapping the shutter just before the action happens is my strategy for capturing the moment.

Here are a few more “grab shots” I captured during the last week while it was raining and I was waiting:

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When I was a site council chair a while back, I used Aristotle’s The Poetics as insight into the fate of the tragic hero in a play (they didn’t have written stories back then, that we know about, anyway) as an example of what would happen with the faculty when we pitched a fundamental change in how we did things at the school.

The team and I decided to allow staff to ask any questions they wanted to about the proposal after our presentation, which they would vote on at the end of the week.

I prepared the team for the emotional pushback (I did debate in high school), citing Aristotle and the need for an audience to express their emotion as well as come to an understanding that the tragic hero, or in our case the way we were doing things, couldn’t continue.

“Tragedy, then, is a process of imitating an action which has serious implications, is complete, and possesses magnitude; by means of language which has been made sensuously attractive, with each of its varieties found separately in the parts; enacted by the persons themselves and not presented through narrative; through a course of pity and fear completing the purification (catharsis, sometimes translated "purgation") of such emotions.”

—From the Poetics of Aristotle [384-322 BC]

Previously, we had done some work with the freshmen team after discovering that when students didn’t graduate it wasn’t because they failed their senior or junior year, but because they failed freshman year. (We asked the counselors to check the stats.)

The freshman team (always give credit to the whole team) under my leadership created a planner, and some rules for students and teachers that everyone agreed to. After one semester, everyone was passing. After two semesters, the students insisted we continue with the planner and teachers writing the assignments on the board every week for them to copy.

What I am saying is we had some street cred. We had created a demonstration project that totally worked. Then we pitched the bigger picture changes.

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I didn’t write about this particular aspect of it in my college paper on Aristotle v. Plato, but an English chair in PPS didn’t know what it meant, couldn’t understand it, because he knew nothing about drama. I did.

The audience has to gasp. Then accept and move forward, realizing it wasn’t the tragic hero’s fault, or in our case the faculty’s fault. When you finally see it, you can’t go back.

Here’s a contemporary explanation of Aristotle’s definition of tragedy:

“…the tragic hero should be neither better or worse morally than normal people, in order to allow the audience to identify with them. This also introduces pity, which is crucial in tragedy, as if the hero was perfect we would be outraged with their fate or not care especially because of their ideological superiority. If the hero was imperfect or evil, then the audience would feel that he had gotten what he deserved. It is important to strike a balance in the hero's character. Eventually the Aristotelian tragic hero dies a tragic death, having fallen from great heights and having made an irreversible mistake. The hero must courageously accept their death with honour.”

—Baltimore Polytechnic Institute

Or the faculty, in our case. (In the American version of this play, the hero doesn’t die.)

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​In any case, the strategy works, and the catharsis is a part of it that most people do not recognize, but should take into consideration whenever change is involved. The only person it didn’t work for was the principal, who said she would never allow us to use that process again, but we had more than 90% of the faculty vote for the changes when it came to the voting.

It’s understandable that the principal was not a fan of the emotion that came out of the questions and challenges, but the team knew that would happen and planned answers to every conceivable question, attack, and approach—and to remain calm and carry on.

That’s probably what really convinced the faculty that their peers were serious, thoughtful, and had done their homework.

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